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You may also want to check out her many other blogs too while you are there. She is a funny down to earth mother.

Boy or Girl, Truck or Doll????

Elijah is at that wonderful imagination stage in his life. All of us in the house have at one time or a hundred played cars with him or other things. I love this wonderful stage. I enjoy seeing things come to life in his mind. I try to encourage this play. He recently found one of Hannah's old Barbie's, now while it may not be cool for a boy to carry around a doll. We as parents have listened to the experts that say boys who are allowed or encouraged to play with dolls/stuffed animals develop better language skills. I think it also promotes caring and nurturing. As he cleans his "baby", tells her she is stinky and then gets a wipe and cleans her. He has her ride on the cars and sometimes even run over by the cars.

I just don't know where this label of boys with trucks and girls with dolls came from. I think it is outdated. Now I am not saying I want Elijah to run around in a dress or anything. But having been a fire fighter, EMT, and a Deputy. I guess you could say I don't believe in the stereo types. I had one guy who challenged me often when I joined the fire department and 9 times out of 10 I could out lift, run etc. against him. I thank my high school basketball coach for that. Man was he a drill instructor. But I was in good shape and had muscles. :-) Those friends from High School can think back at how much we cursed Coach Cregor at the time. But all that hard work did pay off.

Granted now I couldn't do half of what I did then. I still have some strength and got a chance to prove so when Ron and I moved and it was a wench, Him and myself loading his fully loaded tool box from hedoublehockeysticks.

My point is why? Why can we all not be free to just be who we are and do what we love. Isn't that what America is about? Freedom? This maybe freedom on the most basic level. And probably not what our Founding Fathers was thinking of. But it is still a freedom none the less.

So what do you think. Do you let your boys play with dolls? Or your girls play with trucks? Do you encourage it? Or just let them if they ask?

Hannah Part 2

Part 2. It seems there is so much more I want to say. But the words are not there right now. Thank you for taking this journey with me.

Although being right is nice, you won’t always be. Try to be strong enough to admit when you are wrong and don’t gloat when you are right.

At some point in your life you will question your belief in God and in humanity. This is ok and this is normal. You will find that you wonder what is real and what you have just followed because you were told that is right. At this point I encourage you to find answers. Do research. Talk to others. Reflect. If you kept your prayer journals go back and see where you prayed for things and how God answered them. I know it sounds crazy when you are questioning God, but pray……..ask for answers. Talk to your friends, family and pastor. Everyone has stumbled at some point and if they tell you they haven’t they are lying and you need to reevaluate your relationship with them.

While we are in the mindset of God. Let’s talk about judging and loving others. Remember that everyone is a child of God and deserves love. You do not have to believe what they believe, you don’t have to think what they do is right. But remember that we have all sinned and fallen short. Homosexuals, murders, the teen mom, the drug addict. I am not saying you have to break bread with them. But don’t judge them instead say a prayer for them.

Let’s just continue on and talk about sin for a minute. We ALL do it. You are going to be tempted! I personally have never done illegal drugs, so I can’t offer you much advice. I know for some people that pull to use is strong. I can tell you that you can live a happy life without them. I have and do have an occasional drink of alcohol. You will have your own conviction about this, but I believe as long as you do this in moderation and don’t get silly drunk you are ok. There is a reason however for an age limit. Your young body is not equipped to deal with these things. But know that if you ever do find you have tried some and now are scared. Please don’t drive. Call me, I will come get you. I will not scream, I will not be mad. I may be disappointed and we will talk the next day about the choice you made. But I would rather have a moment of a broken heart then to loose you forever.

Moving right along to S.E.X. Yes we have talked about this several times. I know the temptation. I fell for it. It changes you and your heart. You really do loose a part of yourself. Sex in and of its self feels good that is the reason you do it. But it has many consequences. There are the physical ones like pregnancy and STD’s. But the emotional ones hurt deeper and take so long to heal. You see you give away part of yourself. There is no greater gift you can give your future spouse then your pure body. It creates a bond, physically and emotionally. Sex is one of the ways you will connect with your Husband that you can’t with anyone else and he with you. It is a true expression of love and trust. But also know that there are times when sex will not be so important. When one of you is sick or hurting. When life gets in the way. Build a solid relationship first and when these times come you will recover. You will still have the closeness. It is something special to have someone to share a smile, a special look and the inside joke that no one else gets.

Now if you do happen to have sex before you are married and you do get pregnant it is not the end of the world. If you are under 18 *God forbid* I will not scream and holler. I will not disown you. I will cry with you. I will pray with you. I will tell you that you are not going to kill it. I will tell you that you are going to finish your education. And I will tell you that God still loves you. That this sin can also be forgiven!

And moving right along now……

Fight Fair, don’t bring up things from the past.

Forgive, You do not have to forget the hurt or the wrong someone did. But if you hold the hate and pain in your heart you are only allowing them to control you.

Remember to sing and dance. Even if its only in the shower and car. If you only dance at home in your bathrobe.

Enjoy life, baby you only get one.

Love often. Yes it means you may get hurt more. But it really does fulfill your life. I don’t mean a lot of men. I mean friends and family.

Try your hardest to eat right and exercise. I know this probably makes me sound like a hypocrite. But I am living the down side of that hill. And it is really hard to change direction when your rolling down hill. I hope you don’t have the hurt and pain that I feel all the time. I hope you don’t have regret at what you can’t do or what you are missing out on because you are too big or out of shape. But don’t deprive yourself either. Every now and again enjoy that piece of cake you love so much or that bowl of ice cream.

One day you may or may not have kids of your own. If you do you will know that the heart really does grow. With each child you will somehow love them the same as the other’s. You will feel new pride and joy. You will also feel new pain and hurt. Because when they feel pain and hurt you will to. You will be scared in ways you never knew. But you will be amazed in even greater ways. Motherhood is the hardest job I know, but it is by far the most rewarding. Try to give each child some one on one time. Let them know they are each special. Show them God through you. But remember to put God first, then your Husband, then your kids because without your husband there would be no kids.

There is so much more that I am sure I want to tell you or wish for you. But if nothing else in this letter means anything please remember this. I love you, you are a child of God and you are special !!

To Hannah Part 1

**Disclaimer: This was getting long so I am going to break it into parts. Here is Part 1**

I have been pondering life and death lately. I am not sure why this is. But I think every parent has the fear at some point of leaving their kids too soon.

I think of all the things I would want my children to know if I couldn’t tell them.

And then it hit me, why wait? Why not make a list or a letter of sorts to them now. Let them know how much I love them and what I hope for them in life.

I will start with Hannah since she is old enough to read. I invite you to see my heart put into words for my daughter.

My precious baby girl. It is true I got pregnant way too young with you. But I would not give you up for anything. You have made me a better person. I am so proud of the young woman you are and of the lady you are becoming.

Let’s start with the 36 hour labor, it just proved to me that the really good things in life are worth waiting for and take some hard work, sweat and sometimes tears to get the pay off. And oh were you a payoff. Your beautiful face, the barely there peach fuzz hair. Up until you were 2 I did not know if I would ever be able to put a bow in your hair. Now look at all of the thick curls of hair on your head. *see waiting paying off again*

I tried so hard when you were little to keep you clean. HA! As you have seen with your little brother that is a waste of time. I only wish I wouldn’t have wasted as much time worrying about dirt and spent more time playing in the dirt with you. I did not realize at the time how quickly you wouldn’t want to play in the dirt with Mom anymore.

I am sorry thing’s didn’t work you between your Dad and me. I hope you know that we both love you very much and never wanted you to be from a “broken home”. I know that the journey with us has not been fun at times and I know you have seen us fight and argue. For that my heart breaks, you as a child should never have had to bear witness to that. Please remember that I am human and I was still so young and did not realize the extra hurt it would cause you. I know that going between two homes has been hard on you at times. I just hope that your heart is so full of love from two homes not just one. I know that your step-dad loves you with all his heart and you will always be his little girl as though you were his blood. Although I do not know your step-mom well I would like to think the same can be said for her.

You my daughter are easy to love. Everyone who meets you falls in love with you. You have the soul of an elder and the heart of God. I pray that your heart stays true and you keep your eyes on the Lord.

As you go through your teen years and into college you will have many trials and tribulations. Here is a little insight from my walk on this journey……..

Don’t let others tell you how you should dress. Just be comfortable and confident in what you wear. Also remember that under garments are meant to be worn “under” clothes not shown to others. It is not fair to judge a book by its cover, but many do. So pay attention to what your cover says about you.

Girls can be mean!!! You may be hurt more by girls then by boys. Sometimes it is their own insecurities that make them that way. Don’t let them get you down, keep your chin up and keep moving.

Speaking of boys, whew this thought still scares me. Remember when you are dating that you are looking for the person you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with. I don’t mean that you will find him on the first date, but this is not to be just another number in your phone. I pray for your future husband, and you should to. Pray that God leads you to who it is he made for you.

I also pray that this young man be a Christian. I pray that you have someone to love you and love the Lord. If he loves the Lord first he will love you the way you deserve to be loved. I pray that you find someone that “gets you”, One that laughs at your jokes and makes you laugh with his. One that realizes that although the house may be a woman’s domain, it doesn’t mean that he should not be your helpmate. On that note my dear daughter, just because he doesn’t do something just the way you would do it. Be thankful that he helped and let him know. Men need to be told they are doing a good job. I hope you find one that does all the special things for you. That doesn’t mean you need flowers every week. But maybe he washes the dishes without you asking, or rubs your back. I hope he sees your needs and does the best he can to ease your burdens.

Remember that you can be anything you want to be (ok no you can’t be a dinosaur, except to dress like Barney). If you decided to pursue a career before you get married more power to you. If you get married while your working on it, that is fine too. If you choose to never get married well then that will be ok too. Whatever it is you do, even if it is waiting tables, just give it your best. Keep a good attitude and a smile on your face and even the hardest jobs can be rewarding. On the subject of waiting tables, remember that “service” workers are people too. Always treat them with respect and honor. You are not better then them. If someone does a great job tell them. Everyone likes to know when they do good. Always tip well if your service is good. And just because your food may not be right, it probably wasn’t the waiters fault. Remember it got made in the kitchen.

Even though this is easier said then done. Speak up for yourself. If you feel you are not being treated well then say so. You alone teach people how to treat you! Learn how to say NO to people. You don’t have to be everything to everyone. But in return try to help as many people as you can. Take a meal to a friend who needs it. Buy an extra soda for someone. Let the little old lady in line in front of you. Let me tell you some of the most meaningful things have been a quick text or call from a friend to let me know they are thinking and praying for me.

Pray for your friends, husband, kids, family etc. We all need prayer and God grants you a special bond when you are praying for them and them for you.

To be continued.......

One last Hoorah!

We spent the weekend in Alabama, Daulphin Island to be exact. It was the weekend of my husband's birthday and our last planned trip camping this year. We will soon winterize the camper and not see it again til maybe spring break of next year. That my friends saddens me.

Growing up most of our vacations were to see family. Sure my parent's camped, but they gave that up before I came along. So I really never knew if I liked it or not?!? But since we have had a camper, either home made or factory made. We have put to use time in campgrounds. And I must say I love pretty much every minute of it.

I love being away from home, no tv making us sit dormant, the together time, not each of us doing our own thing. Sure at night when we are all hunkering down we tend to do different things, read, check email, play with trucks ( Ron just can't leave the trucks alone hehe i kid).

But during the day it is pure family time. Weather it is watching them play on the play ground or exploring the USS Alabama. It is us.

I know my kids will grow up too quick and soon it will be just Ron and I camping and that will be fun too, but for now I am trying to make the most of this precious time I have.

Which is why when Elijah looked like this 30 minutes after a bath I just laughed.

You see before the bath it looked like I let him crawl up the chimney, he was black from head to toe. But man the giggles and fun he had getting that way were well worth it. I have learned over the years that dirt can be washed and that they are little kids only once.

Oh the other plus of camping is cooking hot dogs on the grill. I love me some hot dogs on the grill. This weekend was perfect camping weather too. Warm during the day and a nice cool breeze at night. Made me think of Falls in Michigan. Back when tee shirts were good during the day, but sweat shirts and bon fires were needed at night. Sometimes I miss those trips to the pumpkin patch where the only time you got warmed up was by the warm cider you drank with the sugar donuts inside.

So as we bid farewell to summer I will carry pictures of a dirty, happy lil boy and the smells of BBQ's. Hopefully I have enough stored to last til next spring!

Sleep Study

I had a sleep study last night. If you have never had one it is well an experience.

And so since I am a true friend........Here is my rendition of how the night went.


I got to the clinic at 7:30. Filled out all the paperwork. Then was led to a room that resembled a hotel room. Not to bad I thought, it only needed it's own bathroom. Had to share with the room next door, which wasn't so bad. So then they take you to this room with all kinds of wires and have you sit in a recliner (at least you don't have to stand) and they attach all kinds of wires to you all over.

See all wired up.

I was able to go back to my room and watch, read, text friends what have you for about another hour or so then they came in a little before 10 and said it was time to turn everything off. They did some test to make sure everything was working. Which consisted of wiggling toes, moving my eyes, fake snoring.

Needless to say I didn't get much sleep. Between my heart heavy with some other personal issues and all the wires and a strange bed and....well that is a ton of and's huh? I know I woke up at least 6 times. I do not know if it was from snoring/apnea or noises or what. But a restful night I did not have. I have an appointment in 2 weeks to go see their doctor. I don't know if I have to wait til then to get results or if my primary care doc will call with them. But either way I will just continue to annoy my hubby with my snoring.

So my friends that is what happens. And OH it is an awful mess trying to clean all that goop out of ones thick curly hair the next morning. That is my public service announcement on Sleep Studies.

OH and you have a camera watching you the whole time. Yeah that creeped me out a little too.

And Becky @ http://blabbing-becky.blogspot.com/ if you read this even if I have sleep apnea I am NOT getting the surgery Brad did not after reading your blog LOL.

High School

I know some of us are further from high school life then others. But your time in said school molded part of your life for better or worse. Those 4 years of your life could have been pure joy, or pure hell. Or maybe you were the one that just got by neither yeah or nay. I do not watch MTV much but thanks to one of my friends I started watching a show called "If you really knew me", after watching it with my husband once I decided this is something Hannah should watch as she is in her first year of H.S.

The premise of this show is they get all types of kids together, all the different stereo types and make them do different exercises together that make them open up. Showing that all people have pain and problems, it doesn't matter if you are the "jock" or the "stoner". These kids start to see the other person for what they are another human being. Someone with feelings and issues just like everyone else.

Looking back now I wish as a kid I would have taken a little more time to get to know some of my classmates better. I tried not to be mean to anyone. But I know I could have been more sympathetic to what others were going through and maybe even helped.

As you know I got pregnant the summer between my junior and senior year of H.S. But I didn't know I was until about the middle of the year my senior year. Because I went to a christian school, I had to leave. It was one of the hardest things I have had to do. I did home school the rest of that year so that I could get a diploma. But most of the friends I had, well they kind of faded away. There was a couple that still called occasionally, but we were at different parts of life and well I was an outcast now. I can't fault them now as an adult for that. Why should they have reached out to me? Only I knew the pain that it caused my heart. The deep ache that my heart beat everyday for the loss of friendship, senior trips, walking across the stage at graduation.
It was one of the loneliest times of my life. I still had my family, which I am grateful for and a few friends that hung on even if at a distance. For that I am grateful, but that deep longing I felt for someone, anyone to let me talk, cry, share my pain. Well that is one of the reasons I went into a deep post pardon depression.

No one can ever know whats going on inside another's head, but my Dad figured out a few key pieces and saw where I was falling apart inside and got me help. I was able to talk to a doctor and with therapy and some medication got back into life. I did after all have this wonderful daughter and even though some of my dreams and future may have been crushed at that moment. I began to realize that I could make new dreams and a different kind of future.
Sure I still missed some of the friendships that I had and in my own way morned for those.
I had one friend that got married about the same time and we still did things here and there and we are still friends to this day even though many hundreds of miles separate us.

I encouraged Hannah to watch that show so maybe she may think twice about the other kids in her school. About what's going on in their life, not just about her. We don't know if that kid who always looks angry gets hit at home or if the only meal he gets is the one the school provides. I told her she doesn't have to be best friends with everyone in school. But that no one deserves to be bullied or looked down upon. She has mentioned this one boy who is spastic and always disrupting the class. I mentioned to her that maybe he is doing it to get attention, think of the "class clowns" on that show and the reasons they gave for doing things to get people, anyone to just notice that they are there. She said yeah I never thought of it that way. I don't expect her to stick up for every kid in school it's just not going to happen. But if that one time she says "hey just leave him/her alone" and that kid doesn't take his life, or perhaps they see Christ in her. If that is her one moment to let her light shine. Then all praise be to God!

We all want better for our kids then we had, that is the natural way for parents. Now my parents were great don't get me wrong. I just want her to have friendships that matter. Not just a gossip partner. I am still learning at 32 what true friends are. I love the fact that I have ladies that pray for me and my family on a regular basis. Women that really care what the test results of my husbands are. Ones that celebrate with me when Hannah gets all A's and ones that cry with and for me when things give me nightmares.

We should all strive to be more Christlike. And it makes a difference when you have people by your side to encourage you and hold your hand when you walk down that path.

Maybe it is a smile you give to someone today or a word of encouragement. Maybe it is a hug. Or maybe it is just a prayer you quickly say for God to be with that person, cause you can't get them off your mind. May your light shine to someone today. Because my friends this world is a dark place and we need all the light we can get.

Homecoming

The day is near. The day my baby gets all dressed up in her first fancy shmancy dress and goes to a real dance. I have to go to UPS today and pick up her dress cause there was some confusion about our address, so AUGH kinda freaking about that. Hope it fits good, cause I have run out of time. The dance is TOMORROW! I am not a sower. I can put buttons back on and mend tiny holes. So here's to hoping it fits well or at least enough that some double sided tape can fix.

This dance has brought up so many of those mommy emotions in me, which you have all heard already so I won't go over them again. But my dear husband brought to mind the other night and great memory of when Hannah was young(er).

She was in K-grdn and during home coming week the school made posters and got the little ones all excited about watching the upcoming parade. She came home the night before said parade and in her innocence. Said "Mommy there is just one thing I don't get?" I said of course "what?" "I just don't get who's coming home?!?!"
I giggled and try to explain to this sweet girl about people who graduated coming back to the school etc. But it will forever be my happy memory come homecoming time. No matter how old she is.

And by the grace of God, I now have a second growing child to get more quotes from as time goes on.

I am glad my little girl is growing up. And proud of the young lady she is becoming. For if she wasn't growing then I would be doing something wrong. For all my Clinton friends. Happy homecoming!

Pictures will come next week.