An Everyday Heart

Since most of you are friends with me on Face Book you have seen in the last couple weeks that I am trying to be thankful for what I have. Well in SS class yesterday one of the questions in our study hit home. Maybe not in class but later in the day as I reflected on it. I am paraphrasing here,

"How would your life be different if you let God a little more into your heart?"

By our own human standard we all wanted to say, he was in our heart fully. But the great thing about these women that I grow in Christ with is we all agreed that we could all let Him in a little more.

There are areas in my heart that I hold back, sometimes not even by a conscious choice.

I learned several years go after holding on to some pain for way too long. That the longer you hold that pain and hurt in your heart, the longer you are letting that person control you.

With that being said it is not something you can just do on your own. I find even though I have tried through the years to "Let go and let God" I screw it up. That's right me. My God is always there, always holding out his hand. Just waiting for me to allow him to embrace me. To take away the hurt, pain and fear that consumes me. It is such a relief to turn it all over to him, yet I try to hang on to it for so long. Trying to fix it for myself. Maybe it's pride. Maybe just stubbornness.

However life is always better after I turn it over. You would think being a grown woman I would learn that by now. Ummm NOPE! Still struggle with turning it all over to Him.

Money issues, relationship issues, family issues. He wants to help with it all. He wants to take the burden. Why don't we let him?

One of my friends wrote that the true show of faith is not in the Highs and Lows of living this life, but the middle. Are you praising him during that time? The mundane parts of life. Are you turning over the "everyday problems"? Sure we all pray when people we love are sick. We also rejoice and give praise when we see miracles. But what about that middle? Do we let him in on that part? I think my goal this holiday season is to let him into that space of my heart. The everyday.

Brick between the eyes..

Do you ever feel like God has to give you a brick between the eyes before you get something?

I DO!!!!

There have been many times that I have argued with my Lord only to give in and do what is right. I guess it is human nature. Most of the arguments from me start with something along the lines of "but what will they think". Ok I know that we shouldn't care what other people think. However it is something that is our nature I think. We start when we are still small. We want to fit in. No one wants to be the one to stick out, a thought that increases by leaps and bounds when we hit teenagism. *yep that's my new word*

Now you may not have been the one that had to have the clothes that was popular, or played sports, or listened to the same music. But for the most part you probably didn't do too much to stick out either. No one wants to be made fun of.

On the way to work/school this morning a song came on K-Love. As I was singing along, without even realizing I was doing it I was raising a hand in praise. After the song Hannah asked "Why do some people do that?" of course I had to ask do what? "Raise their hands when they sing". OH THAT......

Well it is a way of worship I tell her, I remind her how it speaks of raising hands to praise in the Bible. I asked her what her thoughts were on it. And she told me she has seen me do it in church along with some other people, but never really felt lead that way. She also wanted to know if I felt weird sometimes doing it in church if there was no one else doing it also.

Well honestly NO! I don't look around in church to see if other people are holding their hands up or if they are clapping. If I feel like I need to do those things I do.

It has not always been that way.

One of my dear friends was moving out of state and during one Sunday service before they left the Lord was telling me to get on my knees and prayer with her before we left the church. I argued over and over in my mind and heart through the whole service. What would everyone think? What if she rejected me? Guess what she didn't, we knelt and prayed and we were both touched beyond what we can do, God blessed us both in that moment.

Later as I was retelling the story to my hubby, his simple reaction was my brick between the eyes moment. "Well if you can't kneel and pray at church, where else should you do it" OH LORD!! Yeppers that one got me. He was right of course. *yes honey I said you were right fell free to print this blog post and frame it*

I too often let others determine how I worshiped.

As I was thinking about blogging about this or to just let it go. A friend of mine from High School posted a link to a new blog her brother is writing.

http://thoughtsofaworshipper.blogspot.com/

Again it was like the brick between my eyes, telling me to write what was on my heart.

I may have a big bruise on my forehead, but I will praise the Lord that he cares enough about lil ole me to throw the brick!

Trip Abroad

The other night as I was cooking dinner/washing dishes (oh I miss a dishwasher). Hannah was there helping me which she often does. That is the time we talk about school, friends, church, my work, anything really. I think we have a great relationship and she tells me a lot about her life. I know there is stuff she won't tell me, but all I can do is to be there when she is ready to talk. This night her Spanish class was on her mind. Apparently during said class her teacher got a packet of information on a class trip. Which I am also told the foreign language class takes once a year during the summer. This years trip is to Costa Rica. Ok is possibly to Costa Rica. She continues that the teacher doesn't have all the details yet but that it looks like the trip would cost $2000.00 for travel, hotel, meals etc. I think she expected me to freak. Instead I said ok get me all the details and we will call your dad and tell him to come up with half and we will try to come up with half. I wish I would have taken a picture. I emailed the teacher the next day and asked for all the details as soon as she gets them.

See I have a different situation then probably some of the parents. My ex lives out of state, he also refused to sign passport papers last time we tried. We have to have him sign a notarized letter or be there in person. I have been praying about this. I hope if this comes to be he sees how much it would mean to her. Please my friends and family pray with me on this.

I told her this trip and the cost of or at least spending money may fall on her shoulders too. She will have to save her birthday, christmas and any other money. And she may find herself babysitting, cleaning windows or just anything she can to earn extra cash.

I hope this is something she gets to do. It is a once in a lifetime chance I think. And if possible I am gonna do all in my power to make it happen. In that same breath. This trip scares me. Hannah is a traveler, she has literally gone from the Mexico border to Niagara Falls, but it has always been with me or my folks. She is a good girl and listens well. It is everyone else I am scared of. All of the travel advisories. I know the teachers would not go some place they didn't think was safe. But I am a mom. I guess the whole point of blogging about this is to call prayer. I will keep everyone updated when I know more.

Thank you to all.