I stepped on the scale and was overcome with joy. I finally hit that 20lb mark!! The program may be over but I am still trying to work it. I know you have all seen my struggles through my Facebook posts these last few weeks. So I won't rehash everything on here. What I will say on here is this is the worst I have ever felt. It started back about spring break. And although I have had a few days that were not as bad as others it has been a struggle.
I need to find a new specialist, one that will listen to me and tell me that my drugs should be working even if they are not. I miss my doctor in IL terribly. Maybe that is one reason why I haven't been this bad in a very long time. That doctor listened when symptoms first came on and treated me quickly so I never suffered for long amounts of time. I am not out shopping for narcotics. I just want to feel like I am functioning. I am in a dark place right now because of the pain. I know in my head not to be. But that is easier said then done. I am trying not to isolate myself. I do feel blessed to have a great set of friends who pray, support and worry about me. I know I can call my Dad at anytime and get an ear to listen, if so needed kind and wise advice to go with it. I am lucky that I have Hannah who helps me so much around the house. I know all these things I do. I also know in my heart of hearts that if it wasn't for my kids I probably would have given up a few days ago. I am not talking about killing myself, but more laying in bed crying and self loathing. It hurts too bad to do anything but lay there. Even the movement of changing positions hurts. I know not everyone can understand or comprehend that point. If you haven't lived it, one really can't just explain it to you. I know people get tired of hearing that I don't feel good. I try not to put it out there as much as I feel it. I am glad that I found a support group online of people who understand and make me feel like I am not loosing my mind.
I try to remind myself when I am feeling down and out of this passage.....
Proverbs 3: 5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding, think about
him in all your ways, and he will guide you on the right paths.
The fact that I am not in control and I am not supposed to know why or the outcome. Ever wonder why pain and depression run hand in hand? Why is depression such a stigma still? Why is it just when I drop those 20lbs I get put on one of the biggest doses of prednisone I have ever been on? Those are some of the things rolling around in my head as I write this.
On a brighter note we are headed to Missouri to see my family for the Easter holiday and for my folks to have birthday celebrations with both of the kids. We are going to have dinner Saturday night with some amazing and important people in my life. Then next week my baby turns 3 OMG 3 for reals people!! Then two weeks after that my other baby turns 15, lets not have that break down yet.
If you are around Clinton and wanna come to Elijah's birthday party just holler at me and I will give you the 411, the more the merrier.
I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter and remember that Jesus dying on the cross and rising 3 days later was not about eggs and bunnies. It was about Him dying to take away my sin, your sin. I won't go into all of the back story of my life right now. But I will say that after being hurt by a group of "Christians" who thought my sins were way worse then their sins. That sin is sin. We are all forgiven and cleansed by the Lamb who died on Calvary.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Warning Labels
Have you ever thought to yourself that you or someone you know should come with a warning label?
For some reason this thought hit me last night. I work for a man that has a temper at times. Some days you can catch on before he explodes other times it catches you off guard. That was the obvious and easy answer for me. But then I did a little soul searching and realized that there are days that I need that warning label affixed firmly to my forehead. I am sure my family would be very grateful for the day I come home with Crabby, Moody, Upset, Sick or any such words flashing on my head for them to be warned to stay out of the way.
To not get ambushed by the short temper or ill word. I try really hard not to have those moments, I really do. But many times I catch myself when it's too late. After I have raised my voice to my 2 year old who is hanging on my leg while I am trying to handle a hot pan to "please for the love of God let go of my leg before I fall and spill this hot stuff on you and me".
The hurt in his eyes instantly breaks my heart in two. I know he is just trying to love on me after being apart all day. Why must life be so stressed sometimes? As much as I love the freedoms that me working allows us, ya know like eating. I do sometimes miss the days of low stress and snuggling with him. I feel like time is passing me by and I am spending it at work. Although I love his teacher at daycare, I feel like she is getting the best of him. By the time he comes home from school he is often cranky and moody too. Why does life have to be like this?
One of my dear friends has been dealing with some life changing decisions. And the discussion of fear has come up. Boy do I know about that. When Ron was told he wouldn't have a job any longer in IL. I prayed and prayed for God to show us a way to provide for our family. Along came the transfer. I was SCARED out of my mind to move hundreds of miles away from friends and family. I told Ron I would follow him where ever he went. The last Sunday before our move, we went to church like every other week. The message was about stepping out in faith and putting your fear aside to follow God. BAM!! I fell on my face at the alter that day. How can I be so afraid of something I had been praying so hard for. Why is it so hard to let God lead the way. Why when we pray and he answers our prayer do we still doubt?
Those two points tied together in my mind last night. That fear could be a warning label too. Fear can be taken out on others as much as a quick temper. I am praying today that the Lord help me not be afraid of where he is leading me, where ever that may be. That I will have the label of peace and love on my face when I go home to my family.
For some reason this thought hit me last night. I work for a man that has a temper at times. Some days you can catch on before he explodes other times it catches you off guard. That was the obvious and easy answer for me. But then I did a little soul searching and realized that there are days that I need that warning label affixed firmly to my forehead. I am sure my family would be very grateful for the day I come home with Crabby, Moody, Upset, Sick or any such words flashing on my head for them to be warned to stay out of the way.
To not get ambushed by the short temper or ill word. I try really hard not to have those moments, I really do. But many times I catch myself when it's too late. After I have raised my voice to my 2 year old who is hanging on my leg while I am trying to handle a hot pan to "please for the love of God let go of my leg before I fall and spill this hot stuff on you and me".
The hurt in his eyes instantly breaks my heart in two. I know he is just trying to love on me after being apart all day. Why must life be so stressed sometimes? As much as I love the freedoms that me working allows us, ya know like eating. I do sometimes miss the days of low stress and snuggling with him. I feel like time is passing me by and I am spending it at work. Although I love his teacher at daycare, I feel like she is getting the best of him. By the time he comes home from school he is often cranky and moody too. Why does life have to be like this?
One of my dear friends has been dealing with some life changing decisions. And the discussion of fear has come up. Boy do I know about that. When Ron was told he wouldn't have a job any longer in IL. I prayed and prayed for God to show us a way to provide for our family. Along came the transfer. I was SCARED out of my mind to move hundreds of miles away from friends and family. I told Ron I would follow him where ever he went. The last Sunday before our move, we went to church like every other week. The message was about stepping out in faith and putting your fear aside to follow God. BAM!! I fell on my face at the alter that day. How can I be so afraid of something I had been praying so hard for. Why is it so hard to let God lead the way. Why when we pray and he answers our prayer do we still doubt?
Those two points tied together in my mind last night. That fear could be a warning label too. Fear can be taken out on others as much as a quick temper. I am praying today that the Lord help me not be afraid of where he is leading me, where ever that may be. That I will have the label of peace and love on my face when I go home to my family.
Friday, April 8, 2011
On my heart
I am not writing this to preach to anyone. I am sharing what was shown to me and what has been on my heart. Sometimes things just touch me to my core and I get this over whelming feeling, voice, urge to share it. Is it God's voice, the Holy Spirit? Who knows really. But here it is.... read this passage from Deuteronomy 8:16-18 this is from The Message.
16 Make sure you don't forget God, your God, by not keeping his commandments, his rules and regulations that I command you today. Make sure that when you eat and are satisfied, build pleasant houses and settle in, see your herds and flocks flourish and more and more money come in, watch your standard of living going up and up—make sure you don't become so full of yourself and your things that you forget God, your God,
the God who delivered you from Egyptian slavery;
the God who led you through that huge and fearsome wilderness, those desolate, arid badlands crawling with fiery snakes and scorpions;
the God who gave you water gushing from hard rock;
the God who gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never heard of, in order to give you a taste of the hard life, to test you so that you would be prepared to live well in the days ahead of you.
17-18 If you start thinking to yourselves, "I did all this. And all by myself. I'm rich. It's all mine!"—well, think again. Remember that God, your God, gave you the strength to produce all this wealth so as to confirm the covenant that he promised to your ancestors—as it is today.
The last two verses that I highlighted that is what really stuck out to me. I am guilty of this. Over and over and over again. I am telling you I have a thick skull people. I can't do any of this on my own. I try, I fail, epic fail, fall flat on my face get the picture?
We all talk about turning over our problems to God ya know "Let go and let God". Well it's not all about the troubles and problems. He makes the good possible. We need to turn over all the good and give him praise.
Some days my biggest praise is getting me out of bed and moving, I am not being snide. There are days that those things feel like it takes the best part of me and everything else is downhill.
I worry about money and bills like everyone. But who is it that got this job for me in the first place? Sure I want to account it to my mad skills, my likable personality and general good looks. Stop laughing so hard your gonna hurt my feelings....hehe The fact of the matter is I am nothing!
I am right now in front of you giving God the praise and glory for all the things that we have. Honestly we all have so much. If you are able to read this silly rant by me you do to.
16 Make sure you don't forget God, your God, by not keeping his commandments, his rules and regulations that I command you today. Make sure that when you eat and are satisfied, build pleasant houses and settle in, see your herds and flocks flourish and more and more money come in, watch your standard of living going up and up—make sure you don't become so full of yourself and your things that you forget God, your God,
the God who delivered you from Egyptian slavery;
the God who led you through that huge and fearsome wilderness, those desolate, arid badlands crawling with fiery snakes and scorpions;
the God who gave you water gushing from hard rock;
the God who gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never heard of, in order to give you a taste of the hard life, to test you so that you would be prepared to live well in the days ahead of you.
17-18 If you start thinking to yourselves, "I did all this. And all by myself. I'm rich. It's all mine!"—well, think again. Remember that God, your God, gave you the strength to produce all this wealth so as to confirm the covenant that he promised to your ancestors—as it is today.
The last two verses that I highlighted that is what really stuck out to me. I am guilty of this. Over and over and over again. I am telling you I have a thick skull people. I can't do any of this on my own. I try, I fail, epic fail, fall flat on my face get the picture?
We all talk about turning over our problems to God ya know "Let go and let God". Well it's not all about the troubles and problems. He makes the good possible. We need to turn over all the good and give him praise.
Some days my biggest praise is getting me out of bed and moving, I am not being snide. There are days that those things feel like it takes the best part of me and everything else is downhill.
I worry about money and bills like everyone. But who is it that got this job for me in the first place? Sure I want to account it to my mad skills, my likable personality and general good looks. Stop laughing so hard your gonna hurt my feelings....hehe The fact of the matter is I am nothing!
I am right now in front of you giving God the praise and glory for all the things that we have. Honestly we all have so much. If you are able to read this silly rant by me you do to.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Hello is anyone there?
Ok so I have been slacking on the blog the last few weeks. As many of you know from reading facebook or trying to call and check on me. I had strep throat last week and some kind of stomach bug. Oh fun times abound. I actually asked my husband to kill me at one point, cause I thought it would just put me out of my misery. Obviously he was more level headed then I and did not. I can tell you that I would rather give birth to children then to go through that again.
The good news about not really being able to swallow anything or keep it down was I lost another 2lbs. Which is great cause I did not go exercise. As a matter of fact I barely got out of the bed all week. Except toward the end of the week I just couldn't stand it any more. I had been in that sick, sweaty, stinky bed too long. I striped all the bedding and put it in the washer, took a shower, felt human again for a bit. It wore me to the bone, but oh so worth it.
Since I started this process of getting healthier I have lost 17lbs according to the scale at my doctor's office. He was very happy with the results. And so am I. I got down on myself the other night and confided in my hubby about how I feel like a failure in the meltdown because I haven't been able to do all the exercise and achieve the weight loss some have. My wonderful husband reminded me off all the battles I have fought. Between injury and my Lupus with extended sickness. It has been hard. But I have made a change in my eating and drinking habits. I have lost weight. I am keeping up the fight. All is not lost. In times past I would have given up already. But I am in this to make life changes. To teach my kids a better way. I felt so good the other day when I was walking through kroger with all kinds of fruits and veggies in my basket, not junk.
We got a preliminary itinerary for Hannah's flights the other night. Like this is for real!! Two months from tomorrow she will be flying to Costa Rica. She is still trying to do odd jobs to earn extra spending cash. If anyone has anything they need done, look her up. Babysitting, washing cars, doing dishes. She is not ashamed to do anything LOL.
I feel like I have so much I want to say, but this brain fog has taken over today. Yes it is a real thing. I have found comfort in reading the message boards over at butyoudontlooksick.com. They know what I am talking about, what my struggles are. I feel not so crazy. I know go ahead and laugh.
Til next time do something nice for someone else and feel the reward!!
The good news about not really being able to swallow anything or keep it down was I lost another 2lbs. Which is great cause I did not go exercise. As a matter of fact I barely got out of the bed all week. Except toward the end of the week I just couldn't stand it any more. I had been in that sick, sweaty, stinky bed too long. I striped all the bedding and put it in the washer, took a shower, felt human again for a bit. It wore me to the bone, but oh so worth it.
Since I started this process of getting healthier I have lost 17lbs according to the scale at my doctor's office. He was very happy with the results. And so am I. I got down on myself the other night and confided in my hubby about how I feel like a failure in the meltdown because I haven't been able to do all the exercise and achieve the weight loss some have. My wonderful husband reminded me off all the battles I have fought. Between injury and my Lupus with extended sickness. It has been hard. But I have made a change in my eating and drinking habits. I have lost weight. I am keeping up the fight. All is not lost. In times past I would have given up already. But I am in this to make life changes. To teach my kids a better way. I felt so good the other day when I was walking through kroger with all kinds of fruits and veggies in my basket, not junk.
We got a preliminary itinerary for Hannah's flights the other night. Like this is for real!! Two months from tomorrow she will be flying to Costa Rica. She is still trying to do odd jobs to earn extra spending cash. If anyone has anything they need done, look her up. Babysitting, washing cars, doing dishes. She is not ashamed to do anything LOL.
I feel like I have so much I want to say, but this brain fog has taken over today. Yes it is a real thing. I have found comfort in reading the message boards over at butyoudontlooksick.com. They know what I am talking about, what my struggles are. I feel not so crazy. I know go ahead and laugh.
Til next time do something nice for someone else and feel the reward!!
Friday, March 25, 2011
Week 8
Ok I know I am a day late and a pound short (bad pun I know). But here it is, I am ok, just was busy yesterday at work and didn't get a chance to type it all out.
Well one more week has come and gone on the meltdown. We have one more week to meet then we are on our own til the end of April. I can't believe how fast time has flown by. I have not done near as well as I wanted in this competition, and you all know the reasons we won't go into that. But I can say that I have been so thankful to have been a part of this. I have learned many things. And I am not giving up the fight just yet. I have lost a few battles along the way, but the war is still mine to win!!!
I am still watching what I eat and trying to keep my portions in check. I am still working out, although it may not be as much as some. I feel good that some movement is better then none. The bike has become my friend. I can ride it for a few miles and get my heart rate up and not kill my knee's and hips. I really need to spend more time on the treadmill, this is hard on me. It just hurts. But I have to build up my endurance if I am going to do the 5k at the end of April. I can tell that my endurance is getting better we did that devil class yesterday and although it did hurt the bottom a little, I am not walking as funny today as I did last time. The biggest thing I noticed is yeah I worked up a sweat, yeah I was breathing hard. But I didn't think I was gonna die either. I did however listen to Patrick when he told me not to stand up!! And the knee didn't kill me near as much as last time.
My great hope and prayer is that I can get my Lupus back in check and start to really exercise and drop the pounds before the end. I don't think I will win, but I don't want to be last either.
I know no one faults me for having the medical conditions and the injury that has held me back, but I don't want to live with that excuse. I know I have to listen to my body and just chill sometimes. And that is part of what got me so down this time. I was trying to push too hard. I was trying to recover from an injury and still work my body more then it was used to.
But let me tell you I have a renewed spirit. I didn't gain weight on those nasty steroids. I actually lost!! So take that you stupid little pills. You did not win this battle. You will not hold me down. I will control my body not you. Ok big talk I know, and it is still a battle every minute of the day not to eat everything I see. Honestly I have a renewed strength through this wage of wills. I thought it had won, was ready to cry into a bowl of ice cream last night about how unfair it is. HA Surprise. GOD came through for me. When I feel like I need to eat I pray, Lord please help me past this temptation and craving. I have gone through a lot of water and gum at work. Guess what it is working, I am hanging in there.
We are in the planning process for Elijah's 3rd birthday. Wow 3 already. His little attitude lately tells me he is approaching 3, but I sure am not ready for him to be a boy and not a toddler. And then 2 weeks after that Hannah turns 15. We decided we are just doing something small for both of them this year. Elijah will have a play party at the church and Hannah may have a friend or two stay over. I did tell Hannah that my plan is to pick her up from school and take her to lunch then to get her permit. I think that would be a great way to spend your birthday. Maybe I can throw a manicure or something in there too. She knows that her Costa Rica trip is part of her birthday so she is not getting any real gifts and she is cool with that. But I still want to make it a great day. I came to the realization a long time ago that i will never have day 5,475 with her every again. So on that 5,475th day of her life. I will make her feel special even if it's just through the small things.
How are you celebrating day ...... of your life?
Well one more week has come and gone on the meltdown. We have one more week to meet then we are on our own til the end of April. I can't believe how fast time has flown by. I have not done near as well as I wanted in this competition, and you all know the reasons we won't go into that. But I can say that I have been so thankful to have been a part of this. I have learned many things. And I am not giving up the fight just yet. I have lost a few battles along the way, but the war is still mine to win!!!
I am still watching what I eat and trying to keep my portions in check. I am still working out, although it may not be as much as some. I feel good that some movement is better then none. The bike has become my friend. I can ride it for a few miles and get my heart rate up and not kill my knee's and hips. I really need to spend more time on the treadmill, this is hard on me. It just hurts. But I have to build up my endurance if I am going to do the 5k at the end of April. I can tell that my endurance is getting better we did that devil class yesterday and although it did hurt the bottom a little, I am not walking as funny today as I did last time. The biggest thing I noticed is yeah I worked up a sweat, yeah I was breathing hard. But I didn't think I was gonna die either. I did however listen to Patrick when he told me not to stand up!! And the knee didn't kill me near as much as last time.
My great hope and prayer is that I can get my Lupus back in check and start to really exercise and drop the pounds before the end. I don't think I will win, but I don't want to be last either.
I know no one faults me for having the medical conditions and the injury that has held me back, but I don't want to live with that excuse. I know I have to listen to my body and just chill sometimes. And that is part of what got me so down this time. I was trying to push too hard. I was trying to recover from an injury and still work my body more then it was used to.
But let me tell you I have a renewed spirit. I didn't gain weight on those nasty steroids. I actually lost!! So take that you stupid little pills. You did not win this battle. You will not hold me down. I will control my body not you. Ok big talk I know, and it is still a battle every minute of the day not to eat everything I see. Honestly I have a renewed strength through this wage of wills. I thought it had won, was ready to cry into a bowl of ice cream last night about how unfair it is. HA Surprise. GOD came through for me. When I feel like I need to eat I pray, Lord please help me past this temptation and craving. I have gone through a lot of water and gum at work. Guess what it is working, I am hanging in there.
We are in the planning process for Elijah's 3rd birthday. Wow 3 already. His little attitude lately tells me he is approaching 3, but I sure am not ready for him to be a boy and not a toddler. And then 2 weeks after that Hannah turns 15. We decided we are just doing something small for both of them this year. Elijah will have a play party at the church and Hannah may have a friend or two stay over. I did tell Hannah that my plan is to pick her up from school and take her to lunch then to get her permit. I think that would be a great way to spend your birthday. Maybe I can throw a manicure or something in there too. She knows that her Costa Rica trip is part of her birthday so she is not getting any real gifts and she is cool with that. But I still want to make it a great day. I came to the realization a long time ago that i will never have day 5,475 with her every again. So on that 5,475th day of her life. I will make her feel special even if it's just through the small things.
How are you celebrating day ...... of your life?
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Week off
We will not have a meltdown meeting tomorrow due to Spring Break. So I thought I would write a day early.
The exercise portion of this week has been nil to say the least. I have found it rewarding to get dressed, forget about working out. It is not often that my body gets the best of me like that. Sure I have aches and pains. But it hurt to move my fingers this weekend. I couldn't wear my wedding ring because I couldn't fit it over my swollen knuckle.I did get a steroid shot at the doctor on Monday and it is starting to help.
I am so blessed and very thankful to have a great support system. Hannah and Ron took care of me and Elijah while I was down and out.
Ron and I have been married 10 1/2 years now and this is the first big flare that he has seen. Yes I have been "sick" in the past, and maybe had to slow down. He knows I need to stay out of sun or wear sunscreen like a second skin. He knew I could and would catch most things that were going around. And well with kids in school lets face it there is always something going around. I told him when we first started dating that I had Lupus and he did some research on his own. I am so glad that he thought he could deal with it. Because let me tell you I love this man. Sure we are not perfect, but we work through it. I think we complement each other well. I don't think he could have pictured all those years ago taking care of me like he has had to do this weekend. He married someone 15 years younger then him, so I could take care of him. :-)
I was ashamed at first to ask for help cutting my food, then as one friend put it, "at least he is willing to help you should be grateful" and I am. I changed my outlook from woe is me to I am blessed.
I know that this disease that controls my body will only get worse over time. So I am making a promise to myself to start enjoying today. If I am able to play with my kids do it because tomorrow I might not be so lucky. If I can hug my husband without sheer pain, then hug him again, one day I might not be able to lift my arms that much.
In the story of life no matter who the author is, you or me, we all need to decide just how the story will go.
What does your story line say about you? Would you be considered a "Christian" author? Would it be sci-fi? Even though it is not fair to judge a book by it's cover we all do it don't we? What is your book of life saying to others? I don't want to be the one who everyone doesn't want to read because it's all about sickness and pain. Today i want to show you the chapter of thankfulness and blessings. Last night my whole family was blessed by a special friend who brought us dinner. I tried to ask her not to, but her words to me were "please allow me to share this blessing" Ummmmmmm how do you tell someone no after that? And it was a huge blessing. Hannah got a night off too. She has worked very hard to help me keep up the house, do dinner and take care of Elijah.
If you don't think God has his own perfect timing. Let me show you Hannah and Elijah. I know in my heart that I could not care for Elijah by myself. My body would not allow it. And He in his perfect plan gave us Elijah 12 years after Hannah so she could be a helper and second mother. I try very hard to not put too much on her and allow her to be a kid too. I get teary eyed when I think of her and her precious soul. She has the heart of a servant. I don't mean a maid or butler. No I mean that she wants to serve God and in doing so she tries to make the life of those around her better and easier. Her heart hurts when she sees someone in need or pain. She was the child many Christmas' ago that asked I not get her so many toys, but let her pick out some for the Angel Tree so another kid could have something.
I challenge you, if you think your story will not have a happy ending. If you think your book would read like a suspense thriller will all the bad things that have happened. Make the choice today to change the next chapter. Without those past experiences maybe you couldn't reach someone today. There is someone out there needs to know that it is possible to go through .... and live, to make it out on the other side. Maybe not unscathed but better and stronger for it. Thank you all for allowing me to be a character in your book of life!
The exercise portion of this week has been nil to say the least. I have found it rewarding to get dressed, forget about working out. It is not often that my body gets the best of me like that. Sure I have aches and pains. But it hurt to move my fingers this weekend. I couldn't wear my wedding ring because I couldn't fit it over my swollen knuckle.I did get a steroid shot at the doctor on Monday and it is starting to help.
I am so blessed and very thankful to have a great support system. Hannah and Ron took care of me and Elijah while I was down and out.
Ron and I have been married 10 1/2 years now and this is the first big flare that he has seen. Yes I have been "sick" in the past, and maybe had to slow down. He knows I need to stay out of sun or wear sunscreen like a second skin. He knew I could and would catch most things that were going around. And well with kids in school lets face it there is always something going around. I told him when we first started dating that I had Lupus and he did some research on his own. I am so glad that he thought he could deal with it. Because let me tell you I love this man. Sure we are not perfect, but we work through it. I think we complement each other well. I don't think he could have pictured all those years ago taking care of me like he has had to do this weekend. He married someone 15 years younger then him, so I could take care of him. :-)
I was ashamed at first to ask for help cutting my food, then as one friend put it, "at least he is willing to help you should be grateful" and I am. I changed my outlook from woe is me to I am blessed.
I know that this disease that controls my body will only get worse over time. So I am making a promise to myself to start enjoying today. If I am able to play with my kids do it because tomorrow I might not be so lucky. If I can hug my husband without sheer pain, then hug him again, one day I might not be able to lift my arms that much.
In the story of life no matter who the author is, you or me, we all need to decide just how the story will go.
What does your story line say about you? Would you be considered a "Christian" author? Would it be sci-fi? Even though it is not fair to judge a book by it's cover we all do it don't we? What is your book of life saying to others? I don't want to be the one who everyone doesn't want to read because it's all about sickness and pain. Today i want to show you the chapter of thankfulness and blessings. Last night my whole family was blessed by a special friend who brought us dinner. I tried to ask her not to, but her words to me were "please allow me to share this blessing" Ummmmmmm how do you tell someone no after that? And it was a huge blessing. Hannah got a night off too. She has worked very hard to help me keep up the house, do dinner and take care of Elijah.
If you don't think God has his own perfect timing. Let me show you Hannah and Elijah. I know in my heart that I could not care for Elijah by myself. My body would not allow it. And He in his perfect plan gave us Elijah 12 years after Hannah so she could be a helper and second mother. I try very hard to not put too much on her and allow her to be a kid too. I get teary eyed when I think of her and her precious soul. She has the heart of a servant. I don't mean a maid or butler. No I mean that she wants to serve God and in doing so she tries to make the life of those around her better and easier. Her heart hurts when she sees someone in need or pain. She was the child many Christmas' ago that asked I not get her so many toys, but let her pick out some for the Angel Tree so another kid could have something.
I challenge you, if you think your story will not have a happy ending. If you think your book would read like a suspense thriller will all the bad things that have happened. Make the choice today to change the next chapter. Without those past experiences maybe you couldn't reach someone today. There is someone out there needs to know that it is possible to go through .... and live, to make it out on the other side. Maybe not unscathed but better and stronger for it. Thank you all for allowing me to be a character in your book of life!
Friday, March 11, 2011
YES it's mine
Ok forgive me for taking a moment to just rant.
I got "called out" today for parking in a handicap spot. Yes I have a handicap plate on my truck. No I don't always use it. But there are some days like today where every fiber of my being hurts. I feel like I should grab the cane I keep in my truck and use it because the hips and knees are inflamed and feel unstable. I just want to crawl back in bed and cry kinda day. Well I try my best to put on a good face and not complain.
Boss had me go get his lunch for him...uhhh ok great sure would love to. So I park in the handicap spot. And this woman feels the need to chew me a new one about taking up a spot that is meant to be used by "truly handicap people" and "Don't I know it is illegal to park in the handicap spot when it's not mine?".
Usually I am polite and explain that it is mine and that not everyone has a disability you can see, and not every person has to be above the age of 60 to have one. But today I cried. I couldn't help it. She then said to me "oh the crying game don't work on me". Then I was mad. I said look lady, this is MY vehicle. The handicap tag IS MINE! I have lupus and experience pain that you can't even begin to imagine. I have had major surgeries on my hip with a nice big scar if you need to see something physical to put your mind at ease. I will drop my pants for you. Then I said please go ahead and call the cops, let them run my plate and compare the name on my tag to me. She huffed and walked away. REALLY??? How can you be so verbally abusive to a person and then just walk away?
Maybe I was just over sensitive today because I wasn't feeling well. Or maybe she was just super rude. Either way I am glad it is Friday and I get to spend the weekend vegging out and maybe a little time in the hot tub at the health plex to ease the joint pain.
I go see my rheumatologist (yes that is a word quit telling me it's not spell check) on Monday and I am going to talk about changing meds or doing something different.
On a plus this week the FDA approved a new drug to be used to treat Lupus. It is an IV drug and really expensive right now. It may not help everyone with Lupus but it is the first drug in 50 years approved just to treat Lupus. Right now most drugs we use are borrowed from another disorder and used off label, meaning it was not intended to be used to treat Lupus. No cure yet, but I see this as a step in the right direction.
Have a great weekend !!! And thanks for tolerating my rant.
I got "called out" today for parking in a handicap spot. Yes I have a handicap plate on my truck. No I don't always use it. But there are some days like today where every fiber of my being hurts. I feel like I should grab the cane I keep in my truck and use it because the hips and knees are inflamed and feel unstable. I just want to crawl back in bed and cry kinda day. Well I try my best to put on a good face and not complain.
Boss had me go get his lunch for him...uhhh ok great sure would love to. So I park in the handicap spot. And this woman feels the need to chew me a new one about taking up a spot that is meant to be used by "truly handicap people" and "Don't I know it is illegal to park in the handicap spot when it's not mine?".
Usually I am polite and explain that it is mine and that not everyone has a disability you can see, and not every person has to be above the age of 60 to have one. But today I cried. I couldn't help it. She then said to me "oh the crying game don't work on me". Then I was mad. I said look lady, this is MY vehicle. The handicap tag IS MINE! I have lupus and experience pain that you can't even begin to imagine. I have had major surgeries on my hip with a nice big scar if you need to see something physical to put your mind at ease. I will drop my pants for you. Then I said please go ahead and call the cops, let them run my plate and compare the name on my tag to me. She huffed and walked away. REALLY??? How can you be so verbally abusive to a person and then just walk away?
Maybe I was just over sensitive today because I wasn't feeling well. Or maybe she was just super rude. Either way I am glad it is Friday and I get to spend the weekend vegging out and maybe a little time in the hot tub at the health plex to ease the joint pain.
I go see my rheumatologist (yes that is a word quit telling me it's not spell check) on Monday and I am going to talk about changing meds or doing something different.
On a plus this week the FDA approved a new drug to be used to treat Lupus. It is an IV drug and really expensive right now. It may not help everyone with Lupus but it is the first drug in 50 years approved just to treat Lupus. Right now most drugs we use are borrowed from another disorder and used off label, meaning it was not intended to be used to treat Lupus. No cure yet, but I see this as a step in the right direction.
Have a great weekend !!! And thanks for tolerating my rant.
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