Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Playing Catch up, TMI medical stuff

Wow it has been forever since I last posted on here. So much has been going on and I have been away from a computer. As most of you know I had surgery on the 29th of July. I had extreme pain the day before and left work thinking it was the last of the kidney stones. As I was driving home every bump in the road made me cry. I went straight to my family dr. who took one look at me and thought appendix. So off I went to the hospital for a CAT scan, drinking that lovely prep stuff on the way. I had to have an IV there for the scan, which the gal got on the first poke!! As soon as the scan was over the gal told me to go straight to the surgeons office, do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. hehe I said ok what surgeon and where is he? She just assumed that was who sent me over. I told her I didn't think I could walk over there that I needed to go get my car and she told me NO that she would get a wheelchair and an escort to take me where I needed to go.

So as I was talking to the surgeon about what was going on and the options I had. One of these pain attacks hits. I am trying very hard to keep up conversation with him and the tears start to form and roll down my face. He says that's it I am admitting you now, we are going to do the test we need to and get you some pain medication in an IV right away. So someone takes me in a wheelchair to admitting. After getting a room on the Maternity floor, I am taken right up. Whew I thought I finally get some pain meds. This was about 4 in the afternoon. It takes a while for the nurse to come in and start all the paperwork, history, first exam etc. We get all that done and she says I will be right back to get an IV started to get you some meds. Whew I thought...
30 minutes later she comes back. She tries the first spot and misses, digs around and says ok lets try the other arm where they had the IV for the CAT scan (oh how I wish they would have left that in). She gets a vein, then when she starts to flush it blows, fluid filling the skin around it. DANG IT!!  She says that's it I am frustrated and obviously you have bad veins. About that time the surgeon calls to give her orders. She leaves then comes back in about 20 minutes later. Tells me they are going to do a PICC line instead of a normal IV since I will probably have surgery anyhow. Ok lets just get it done. I am in a bunch of pain.
About 6ish they come to take me to ultrasound. I had to have a vaginal one so they could see everything they needed to, they thought my ovary had flipped and was cutting of blood supply at first. This is not the most comfortable thing to start with and when your already in pain It was all I could do not to lay there crying.
I finally get back up to the room and think I might get relief soon. About 8:30ish they come to do the PICC line, it is a sterile procedure so she makes everyone else step out. I had one before when I got MRSA. Know the routine, not the worst thing in the world to have done, but not the most fun either.
She gets the line in and then we have to wait for portable x-ray to come and make sure the line is where it needs to be. For those that don't know. They put a tube in your upper arm and run it through your veins down by your heart. They come do the x-ray around 9:40.
The doctor comes in and says the ovary is not flipped but has issues.He has called a GYN to come look at it in the morning and discuss it with me. Tells me I can eat something tonight but nothing after midnight.
This is now almost 10 and I am alone. I ask the nurse for something since the last I ate was 8am.
Luckily she was a sweet lady and told me she would run down and get me food herself if she had to. She said it is simple stuff, do you think you could eat a hamburger. Sure I said. She tells me she is still waiting for x-ray to give her the ok.
At 10:30ish she comes in with pain medication. I could hear the angels singing as she ran it through the IV. Then about 15 minutes later she brought me food. Around 11:30 I was finally able to lay down enough to rest.
The next morning the GYN in comes in and says that I have cysts on my ovary and he is pretty sure I have had a couple burst because of the amount of liquid he could see. He recommended doing the surgery to clean up the ovary and remove and cyst that were left including the fluid and scar tissue. The general surgeon said since we were going to have me under that he wanted to remove the appendix since it was slightly swollen. He didn't want it to rupture later and me blame the pain on the ovary again and go septic.
So off to surgery we went.
Both doctors came and talked to Ron and Hannah after surgery. They even got to see pictures.
They ended up removing the ovary, because it was twice the size of the other one with several "knots" as Ron put it. This to me is funny, because when we had one of our first ultrasounds when I was pregnant with Elijah the nurse said I can tell you which ovary the egg came from, we said wow how do you know that? She said it came from the left, because the right looks all shriveled up and not working. HA. so not only was it twice the size of the left, but it had to grow more because at one time it was much smaller.

I am recovering well. Still have a little discomfort, and I am having I don't know maybe phantom pains on the right side, like I would with a period. I go back to see the GYN this friday the 12th to discuss the surgery and options from here on out. I will let you know more then.

Thank you for all the prayers, food and well wishes everyone has given to us during this time.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The Beach Trees

I recently did a book review for BlogHer. It was a great book. You can check out my review and others through the link below.

Curl Up With a Copy of The Beach Trees | BlogHer

Friday, June 24, 2011

Catching Up

Summer always seems to be a busy time for us. With Hannah having divorced parent's her time is split up during the summer. It's the time that she gets a big chunk of time with her dad. You all know about her trip this year and that threw off our normal schedule. I have had to sit down with a calendar and plan with her how the rest of the summer would go. She wanted to spend time with my folks, time with her dad of course and with school starting at the first part of August that didn't leave much time left. She will not be doing much with her friends or youth group this year. And it makes me wonder if this is a sign of things to come? Maybe this is what it will be like when she goes to college which is just a few years away (OMG).

With both kids at my folks house this week and next, Ron and I have enjoyed the chance to get to relax and reconnect. Sure we miss the kids. We talk with them on the phone and they are doing great. They have fun with Papa and Grandma. They are spoiled rotten up there, as are all the grandchildren. Which is how it should be.

On the health front we are trying new meds. We increased the dose of one, decreased the dose of another and added two new ones to the mix. One of the new ones is for the bad headaches I have been having so it's not an everyday pill. The other is Cymbalta. I tried taking it in the morning and found that I am really groggy during the day. So I switched it to night. That seems to help some. But I have this feeling of  nausea  most the day. I don't have much of an appetite. Which should aid in the weight loss I suppose. It has not been a full week yet and I want to give it a chance. My overall pain has decreased which is great. I still have a lot of stiffness in the morning which is to be expected. I know I am sleeping harder, Ron says he touches me at night and I don't budge.  I really like this new doctor. He sits down and actually listens to me. He asked me great and intelligent questions about how I was feeling. It is really a great feeling to not be dismissed or told you need to loose weight and everything will be better. I know I need to loose weight, I have been trying. But when you try and then have to go on steroids it knocks you back a step or two. You loose faith, you want to give up. I was so proud as was the doctor that I lost 3 more lbs this last month. It took me years to get as big as I am now. It will probably take me years to get it off. Yes I wish there was a magic pill that would melt it all away, but there is not.

I am thanking God today for my life, my family and my friends. For the support that so many have given me. For the people who brought us meals when I was too sick to cook. For the friends that sent text messages or emails just checking. The ones who gave Hannah a ride. So many people have touched our lives. I only pray that I can be that kind of blessings to others. I have had some pretty dark times of late. But I see a glimmer of light. I see a piece of me coming back when I am able to laugh and joke with my husband. When I am able to be the tickle monster to my 3 year old. When my teenager is able to be in her room doing things teenagers do instead of cooking dinner for her too sick mother. I thank God for the doctors and the medicine that is getting me to those places.  I know the journey is far from over. I know that I was so down and in despair that it won't happen over night. But with many hands reaching out for me, I feel like I can climb up and back into life.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Tomorrow

Oh good Lord in Heaven, tomorrow is the day I take my baby girl to the airport and put her on that jet plane.
(sing along with me now, leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again) Ok thats enough of that.
I am very excited for her. I have been fairly calm in the planning and discussing of this trip. But as the actually trip is nigh.........mommies nerves are shot. I am emotional and trying to hold it together.
Yes I know this is the trip of a lifetime. I know she will have a blast. And rationally I know that statistically speaking she will be safe and come back home in one piece. But a mother always worries err maybe I should put a parent. I asked my Dad one time when it got easier as I was worried about one of our older boys, he laughed and said well I still worry about you so I will have to get back to you on that one.
I know it is useless to worry and doesn't change a thing. It is something that I struggle turning over to God. Someone once said that being in a constant state of worry is like telling God he can't handle it or basically a lack of faith. I am learning how to turn it over, but I don't think I am alone in this battle.

I think it is ingrained in us somehow once you have kids to just worry. It start's sometimes before you are even a parent for some. Will we ever get pregnant? Why did that miscarriage happen? What did I do wrong?  Will this baby make it to term? Will there be any problems during labor?  Wills and Whats rule a persons thinking. Lets not even get into the list when they start crawling and walking. Then making friends and here comes driving and .......AUGH!!  I mean seriously how can someone not worry?

My parents always made me feel special and that I could do anything I set my mind to. I hope by giving Hannah opportunities like this it makes her feel a little of that. I hope I am hitting the mark with her, well with all our kids. Making them feel special and that they can do anything.

Ok so back to Hannah's trip, please say a prayer for her. This is her first time flying and being out of country without being with family. I have faith in who she is going with and I have faith in her. Like someone (name not used for protection) said on Sunday, the plane will always come down, it's just how fast. Yes he was punched in the arm by his wife. :-)  

I will put on a happy face at the airport tomorrow, I may cry after she is through security. But I hope she has a blast and takes lots of pictures. My how fast they grow up.

Friday, June 3, 2011

New friend this summer

After our amazing, wonderful, glorious (ok you get the idea) Memorial day trip camping. I found I really love spray on sunscreen. Gone are the days of getting your hands all goopy (yes official term) after applying it to 4 people. Just spray, rotate, spray some more then move on to the next person. Or better yet sit in your lawn chair and let them come to you. I prefer the later. My only complaint is that you go through a bottle really fast applying it to 4 people a few times a day. And you do still have to get a little on your fingers to put it on the face. Spraying directly to the face is not recommended. But overall I love this. It doesn't matter what brand, we used off brand and a popular name product both seemed to cover well.

As long as you make sure to spray everywhere as Ron so bravely models here. That is the one down side it is not as easy to see that you got it everywhere when you are outside with the sun glaring on you. The pictures is a little hard to see, but it was taking with my phone, he has a few swirlish burnt marks on his belly and his shoulders got burnt pretty good too.

I did learn something else, some company makes sunscreen in a stick. I saw one that looked like a chap-stick and one that looked like a small deodorant stick. I am going to look into these closer, then I would get no sun screen on my hands at all !!

I am still in search of a big floppy hat that will fit my big ole head that doesn't cost a fortune. Yes I know it will probably last me many of summers so a pricer one may be my way to go for quality, but man I have a hard time paying that much money for something I only where on occasion.  If my head were smaller I could go to several local stores and pick one up. But no that is not what God had in mind when he gave me this large melon, guess I needed more space for all the brain he gave me. Stop laughing that's my story and i'm sticking to it.

Hannah leaves for Costa Rica next week, this is both exciting and terrifying. I know she will have so much fun, but it is still hard for mama. We had a last minute scare that she may have to get some shots, but that turned out to be for a different country. She was very relieved at that fact.
She finally got her permit and Ron bravely let her drive afterwards. To say he was a little flustered after the fact is an understatement. Like I told him, she has never driven a car before, give her a break. So last night I took her to the church parking lot and let her get comfortable with being behind the wheel. It also helped some that she was in the Taurus not the big truck.  She did improve while we were there and like I told her she has lots of time to learn. And she will take drivers ed in the fall. I just don't want her to go into that class scared to get behind the wheel.
After looking at her summer schedule last night, I am not gonna see much of her this summer. Between being out of country and being out of state visiting my folks and her dad, she has a full schedule.

Elijah got moved up to the "big kid class" at school. He had his first field trip to the park yesterday. He absolutely loved it. We were told all about it several times last night. I think he is going to like being in the 3yr old class. He already doesn't hold onto me when I drop him off, he is running off to play with friends.
One thing we are learning about this little man is he LOVES the water! Doesn't matter if it is in the tub or the Gulf of Mexico. If he can splash, swim or just get a little wet he is all about it. He started putting his face and head under water this last pool trip so he could blow bubbles like sissy. He is growing up so fast and is amazing me daily. My favorite thing right now is for him to tell me his full name. I love how he says Haley, kind of haywee.

The new medicine seems to be helping me a bit. I am sleeping a little better and that has taken away some of the pain. I am still really stiff in the morning and have pain through the day, but it is not near as bad as it once was. I feel like I can live life again. I thank God that he lead me to a doctor that will listen and help me.
My family is thankful too cause ya know when Mama ain't happy................




Friday, May 20, 2011

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

What do you see when you look in the mirror? Do you ever catch yourself  looking deep into your own eyes? They say the eyes are the portal to the soul. What do you see when you look? Or do you just stay away from looking that deep into yourself?
This thought has been on my mind lately. As most of you know I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia this week. Myself and those around me have known for a while really that there was more going on with me then just my Lupus.  But when the doctor blows you off, you start to loose faith. When the people you love treat you like your making it up and it's all in your head. You loose any hope you had.

That is where I have been the last few months. I spoke of it before. A kind of blah. I was living my life, but I wasn't enjoying my life. Every time I looked in the mirror I began to see this change in me. I was starting to see pain, brokenness, fear. And then I started to wonder if I should be seeing clinically insane? Because really can someone truly be in pain all over like this for so long with no real explanation?
Well on Wednesday I found out that the answer to that question is YES!! I am not a freak, hypochondriac, or just making this stuff up.

I know it is hard for other people to understand. I know it would be so much easier if I was wearing a full body cast for people to see that it hurts from head to toe. But I don't have that option. I just have my words.
At the doctors office I was crying as he was telling me things, I bet you have this, or I bet you feel this. As I said yes to each of these things it was like being at a carnival where they guess your age or name and you kinda get freaked out. He was telling me stuff that I kept hid. Stuff I can't say to people. Things that would hurt those I love and love me back.

It was later that night that when I looked in the mirror that I still saw the broken me, but I caught a glimpse of something else, hope maybe?  What ever it was I wish it great luck and becoming the first thing I see when I look. I want it to win, I want to see the happy and loving person I know I am. Not the one in constant pain and bitterness. Not the one who feels as if I am on the verge of a psychotic break down. Who just wants to crawl in a hole and stay a while.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Been a day or so

A big sorry to my friends and family. It seems my blog slipped to the wayside for a bit.
Life has a way of taking over sometimes. And even though your intentions are good and grand, it doesn't mean you can accomplish everything you set out to do.

The last few weeks have been exciting, heart warming, heart melting and just over all busy.

In our previous blog post we were preparing for Elijah's party. Wow I turned into a big blogging slacker huh?
Let's try to catch up shall we?

On April 29th, we had the final Arrow Meltdown. I did not run the race because of all the health issues that were going on. But I did show up and cheer the others on. They all did so great!!  Surprisingly enough I was not last on the weight loss list. At that time. I had lost a total of 20lbs since I started watching everything and my cholesterol went down 21 points.  I have lost 1 more pound since. I am not unhappy with the results. It gave me a starting point. And when I go see the new doctor next week I am going to talk to him about adjusting or changing my every day meds to hopefully allow me to start exercising again.

Elijah's party was a great success, thank you to all that came. To those that didn't we missed you. I am so glad we had it at the church. There was no big mess to clean up and I didn't have to try to clean my house like a mad woman before. WIN WIN!!

Hannah had a birthday also during these 2 weeks. She has some more studying to do for her permit and that is all I am gonna say about that. We had some quality time together, we laughed and talked about all kinds of stuff. It was so nice. I really love the young woman she is becoming.  She is so ready for school to be done. I don't blame her. I am not too old to remember those last few weeks of school drug on forever! She is excited about her trip, she leaves 26 days from today. We are getting lists of things she needs to pack and even getting some stuff packed together. I am so happy for her to go on this trip. I have my mommy worries, but what an opportunity for her.

I have no profound words of wisdom today. Truth be told I am super d duper tired today and am having a slight concentration problem. I just didn't want everyone to think I had given up on blogging.