Touch & Go by Lisa Gardner

I was so excited when I got this book. I read more crime and mystery novels then anything, so I thought this one was going to be right up my alley. Boy was I not disappointed. I read this book in two days. It is not War & Peace, but not a small book either. It was just that good.

The story is about a family who is abducted from their home. Their home has top of the security and there was nothing of value taken except the people. This family of 3 has their own set of problems before the abduction. Affairs, drug use and lack of communication to name a few.

The book guides you through all they have to go through to stay alive and what the investigators are trying to figure out to save them. There are a few twist and turns which literally made my mouth drop open. But I won't spoil those for you.

I have never read Lisa Gardner before but I am adding her to my list now. If your interested to learn more check out this page, https://www.blogher.com/bookclub/now-reading-touch-go

I was given this book and compensation for my review, but as always the opinions are my own.

Ignorance is bliss....I guess

I got a private message on Face book the other day and have been stewing over it ever since. They are not a close friend just one of those I knew you kinda once people. (no names)
But the question that was sent to me was this... "I read your blog posts today. How can you say your depressed and ready to commit suicide one post and the brag about you taking in a child that's not yours in another?"

Well first off I don't think I have ever bragged about Ron and I taking in a child. We have taken in several through the years. I may brag about the child itself and their accomplishments, just like I do my other children. When a child enters your heart it doesn't matter if its by birth, marriage or unforeseen circumstance you just love them.  Or at least that is what Ron and I do.

We learned this from our parents. Both of our parents took extra kids into their homes. We never planned it out. When we were talking of marriage and child rearing. It never came up as an endeavor to take on.
The children we have taken in have not been in the foster system per say, but rather friends of our children or ones we heard about that needed a place to stay or a change of scenery.

Now for the second part of my rant. Depression is NOT something you choose to have or not have. It is not something I can say ok I am over this and be happy again. It is a chemical balance issue. Ask any doctor and they will tell you the truth. I am no longer ashamed to say I take meds to stabilize my chemicals. If for no other fact then it makes my life better. With out the anti-depressants I am on a roller coaster ride that I can't get off of. It makes it hard on me and my family. Yes I still have moments even on the meds. But they are more controlled and happen less often.

The other bee in my bonnet is I did not just make this up. This is not in my head. Not something I am doing to get attention or drugs. I don't like taking 19+ pills every day. I do it to stay alive and semi functional. I did not choose to have depression just like I didn't have a say in if I got Lupus. It is what it is. You either let it control you, or you do the best you can to control it. When my little boy wants to know what each and every med is as I fill my pill box (other wise I forget thanks to the disease and meds), I tell him this one keeps mommy happy, this one keeps me living etc.

Maybe I got too upset by the question. It just hurts that in 2013 people are still so uneducated.

Here I go again by Jen Lancaster and update

So I haven't blogged in a while. I kind of lost my drive for blogging for a while. As you all know I went through a very dark moment for a bit. I am blessed to say that the light is peaking through. I am still working with doctors and adjusting meds, but we are getting there.

I have had a couple of you ask about the ordeal with Elijah. I really don't have much to report at the moment except it has been turned over to the prosecutor. The detective on the case is waiting for an update to let us know. It has been a trying experience in and of its self. But we and most importantly Elijah is doing well. He brings it up now and again, we let him talk it out and then we all move on.

Now on to the fun stuff!!!

This book takes you back to high school. Ok I can hear some of you grumbling already. But it's not like that. Ever wonder what happened to the Prom Queen, the Jock, the one you thought had it all? This book is a super funny look inside the not so perfect life of "THAT" girl all grown up.

The ups and downs and mistakes she made. She realizes the pain she causes other people and gets an odd chance to go back to try to fix things. But fails to realize that every time she changes something that it has a ripple effect. The book had me hooked I finished in two days, giggling for most of it.

It does have a good story base and reflects on how bullying can hurt someone and change their life forever.
http://www.blogher.com/bookclub/now-reading-here-i-go-again

I received this book as part of the Blogher book club and am compensated for my review. But as always my opinion is my own.

34

Well another year has come and gone. I am not ashamed of my age like some women are. As a matter of fact this year more then anything I am proud to have this Birthday.

To follow up on the last blog. The medication seems to be helping. I have had a few side effects but we are getting those all worked out. In talking with my husband and my dr, I have realized that I just felt so hopeless at that dark moment in my life. I was getting no where with workmen's comp and no relief from this extra knee pain. That dark Friday night I lost hope.

As a Christian I know there is always hope, that my God will never leave or forsake me. But for those 45 minutes or so alone in the dark and in pain it felt like someone else was in control of my body. I had voices inside my head telling me the pain would all go away and it would be better for everyone else around me. I had been praying earlier that night, thanking God for what he had given me and praying for others on my list. When the intense pain was getting really bad I was praying then even, then out of no where it was like a switch was turned on in my head that said if you just swallow a couple extra pills you can go to heaven where there is no more pain. I know that the Lord was not telling me to kill myself.

I have been fighting a spiritual battle all year it seems. If it is not one thing it's another. But as another year of my life starts today I am looking forward to the future.

Yes I am still having knee pain. I got my 3rd and final injection yesterday. It is not back to where it was, and I don't really know if it will ever be. We are holding off on physical therapy until after my 6 week check up to try to let the shots work and give the knee rest. He still has be on sedentary duty and doesn't want me doing a lot of walking.

Thank you to those that have been praying for and with me. Some I didn't even know read my blog until they said they read and were praying. I appreciate it more then I can say.

Have you ever felt so alone?

I know it has been a while since I have posted anything here. Most of you probably thought I had given up blogging all together. And well I guess for a while I did. I have given up a lot of things I enjoy(ed) lately.
I am not going to sugar coat things, I am tired of being ashamed! Depression set in on me like a load of bricks. This year seems like I have been hit and hit and hit. If it's not one thing it's another.  This knee injury added to an already fragile mental status. I have been having problems with panic attacks in groups. Get me in a room with more then about 3 or so people and feels like the walls are closing in on me. A trip to the store gets a pill first and even thin its iffy if I will make it out of there without full blow anxiety.

After discussing this with my Lupus dr. We decided I need to see a therapist. After the first appointment with him he changed up some meds and saw me in two weeks. Well between then and the next appointment my life felt like it was falling apart. My knee was still swelling up and giving me a ton of pain. Which according to the PT was not so uncommon when you have a knee injury. The extra swelling and fluid in the joint was causing the arthritis and bone spurs extra irritation and with the knee every little movement moves the knee cap so you are constantly irritating the injury. We tried the steroid shot right off the bat. It didn't work! So I was fighting with workmen's comp to get a synthetic cartilage injection.  I was  loosing all hope that it was ever going to get better. I was having extreme pain and lots of sleepless nights. I felt like everyone thought I was faking or milking it. I felt alone. We lost our phones during the same time and our internet so I felt like I could reach out to no one that I hadn't already burden so much with being hurt.
It is hard for me to admit but if it helps someone I am putting it out there. I tried to kill myself. I just tried to end all the pain. I thought a few extra pills would just put me to sleep and if it was just a few extra Ron could still get my life insurance cause it would look like an accident not a suicide.
When I told my dr about it 3 days later he wanted to admit me to the hospital. I rejected the idea because it would just make the financial problems worse. He agreed to let me go home with an added medication and an adjustment as long as I promised to call or come in if I felt like I was out of options again.

I did finally get the first of three injections this past Tuesday, and although I am not seeing any real improvement from it yet. I do have hope that the three of this together will give some relief.
I know that this has scared me, my family and my dear friend whom I confided in. I apologize to you all. I am still working through these issues and more in my head.

But putting it all out there seems to someone lift the burden or maybe makes me more accountable to someone who may read it and see me in a store? Who knows. But it's here now......... I don't regret sharing and actually feel a bit better. I am not looking for sympathy. I will accept and appreciate all prayers however. I know there has to be something great on the other side of this year long battle.

BGBC Junes Book Review

This months book is titled What Alice Forgot by Liana Moriarty. As always with my book reviews for BlogHer. I am compensated for my review, but my options belong to me.

This is a GREAT book. The story actually made me laugh out loud and I flew through the pages.
The premise of the book is about Alice who sustains a head injury and has lost the last ten years of her life. She can't remember the birth of her children or why she is in the middle of an ugly divorce. She still thinks she is madly in love with her soon to be ex. This story has lots of love, laughs and family drama. Alice makes the choice to right some wrongs and becomes a stronger person on the other side. She starts to get her memory back but only in little bits and it all gets confused in her head as to who the memory is with or what actually happened.  It got me thinking about what I would miss if I forgot the last ten years.........If you could change your attitude because now you see the hurt you cause people would you? It is something all of us really need a look at our life from the outside. This is one to download and read over the weekend, I know I finished it in 2 days and couldn't hardly put it down.

May's Book review

Ok this book well it is Where she went by Gayle Forman. It is a young adult book and usually I do good with them. This one not so much. It is a second book, maybe that is why. I guess I should have read the first but too late now.

It's about a rockstar who has issues (I know so overrated) who is in love with his high school sweetheart who is an amazing cellist. The whole book is the span of one day. It does talk of addiction, love lost and tragic accidents. In all honesty it kind of reminded me of a show of the CW LOL. I may give it to the daughter to read and see if she can get into it more then me.  If you are interested in reading a discussion about this book check it out here -> http://www.blogher.com/where-she-went

Thanks for taking the time to read my reviews. I am compensated by BlogHer for my reviews, but the opinions are all mine.