Week 4

Well my friends another week has passed.  By this point in our journey all of us have seen the good, bad and the ugly. This week was my bad. I knew going into bootcamp this week that I would not have results like I have had the last few weeks. Since I have been going to therapy 3 times a week after work. I have not been able to go to Water aerobics. And well my knee hurts so much when I leave PT that I just want to go home and ice it, not go sit on the bike for another hour. I am going to have to figure out a way to make this work for me. Maybe I need to do the water class in the morning before work. Even if it is not true aerobics, it is the arthritis class, it would still get me moving. I do ride the bike at PT, just not the 45 minutes like I used to at the plex.

I have found that I really enjoy exercising. (ok get back in your chair from laughing so hard) it is my only time of the day where someone doesn't need something from me. No phones to answer, no kids trying to get my attention, no dishes, cooking....well you get the point. I can put on my headphones and bike away or walk on the treadmill and watch a whole show. Speaking of who ever thought to put tv's in machines was pure genius!
It makes the time go by so fast when you are distracted and you don't have to watch one big tv that someone either has on CNN or the Food network. Which by the way I think should be against the law to show in gyms. I know some say it gives you something to work towards, ok maybe so. But if I watch Paula Dean with  her bacon and butter during the work out I think I gain 2 lbs.

Speaking of gaining. I gained back 1.6lbs this week. I resisted the urge to cry. I am not the only one who has gained weight in this process I know. And I have a few things not on my side, the knee lack of exercise thing, and mother nature. Don't you love water retention ladies? NOT  
However my clothes are all fitting better under and outer. That is a big plus. I feel like I have more energy. And just overall I feel better.

Last Friday I went with the church youth to Silver Ring Thing (www.silverringthing.com), even though I didn't like the fact that they pressed the rings so much. The message behind it was great. It spoke of purity til marriage, second chances and Most of all accepting Christ as your Saviour. We had to park a few blocks away and walk up a hill to get to where it was being held. I did better then I thought I would. I was not huffing and puffing like I am many times walking around Kroger. I did not do all the stairs in side because the knee was tender, but felt great that I could do that walk and not feel like I was passing out.

This week's try a new workout was Tai Chi I got this from the Mayo Clinic's website  If you're looking for another way to reduce stress, consider tai chi (TIE-chee). Tai chi is sometimes described as "meditation in motion" because it promotes serenity through gentle movements — connecting the mind and body.
And that about describes it. At first I thought well this isn't going to be much of a workout. We all see this style of movement in movies and it looks so simple just slow movements of your arms and legs. Yes it is that. But that is also part of the challenge. By the end of the half hour I was sweating and my arms and legs were burning. That whole control your movements in slow easy motions really makes your muscles work. I know we got a basic class today, but I think it is something I may look into. It is not jarring in anyway and even though it works you, it relaxes you too. I think that is one of the biggest perks that Patrick is giving us. Showing us all these different styles of exercise, because just like shoes we are not all going to wear the same size or style. If you liked the spinning class you have fallen off your rocker and lost your God given mind, but hey to each his own.  :-) 


My light bulb moment in "class" today was when Vicki was talking about fats, all the different kinds. Ones that are good and ones that are bad. I have known this fact for a while sure but until it clicks in your head what good is the knowledge?  My ahha is ... If a food has extra ingredients added to make it stay on the shelf longer, said extra ingredients will make it stay in your body longer. Not revolutionary to most I am sure, but it made sense to me today. There are a lot of "diet" foods that have extra stuff in them. I am trying to watch what I eat and I have noticed a difference in my portion size and how much it takes to make me full. I am enjoying the food more and slowing down. I still have some bad habits to break. But my soda a day or more habit is gone. I don't crave it any more. I am not drawn to chocolate like a moth to flame. Sure every now and again I get a craving, but I can eat one kiss versus the whole bag. I have learned that just the taste of something is satisfying sometimes. And if you cut the kiss in half you feel like you are getting two treats.

I am not quitting this program for this weeks setback. Too many times in my life have I given up on weight loss because something has come up and got me discouraged. This week my friends is the week I break that cycle. I will pull up my knee brace and get back on the bike. ok that was cheesy.But you laughed!!
Thanks to all who have had my back and given me encouragement. I had someone the other day I didn't know at daycare ask if that was me that was part of the meltdown cause they saw it on the news. She patted my back and told me good job and keep up the good work. How neat is that?

Week 3

I will start this post with my last facebook status update, "Spinning class is of the devil, I am sure of it!" As you can guess todays bootcamp was spinning class. Now I have been riding a stationary bike through this time, but not one who's seat was lost well in my seat :-0.  I was worried about the angle of the seat versus the pedals and how it would feel on the knee. I did ok with the normal pedaling, and even with the incline and faster. What killed my knee was the standing and peddling. Now I know that Patrick told me not to do the stand up part, but for some God forsaken reason I didn't hear him and tried to do what every one else was doing until it was just too much pain. So while they were going up and I just pedaled my little ok big heart out. By the end I was in tears. And was told I could quit early, but we were so close to the end. I am not sure how much pain to push through and when to stop because you feel the pain and don't want to hurt yourself further? 

Our Nutritionist Mother passed away yesterday so we didn't have a meeting with her. But we did find out that we will be leading the 5k walk/run on April 29th in downtown Clinton. I knew that was when we were going to be doing the final weigh in, but didn't realize we would be out front. Hannah said she wants to do this with me. So I am going to sign her up when they start taking names. Maybe I can get Ron to sign up and we can push Elijah in his stroller (hint hint). Make it a whole family event. 

I am not sure what the weigh in is going to say today because of all the points. I only looked at whole numbers before. And from where I was when I started the meltdown to this morning if I am only looking at the whole numbers I have lost 10lbs. I did loose weight today, but I don't think it will be as much as I thought when they figure it up. As long as I am still loosing and not gaining I am happy, even in small amounts. 

I haven't been working out as much or as hard as I should because I wasn't sure about the knee situation.

After seeing the doctor yesterday, the MRI came back that nothing is torn.

I have a stretched ligament, and a lack of cushioning fluid, along with arthritis in the knee. He told me my knee looks like someone of much older age. He gave me a bigger more supportive brace that I am supposed to wear all the time except showering and sleeping. I have to do physical therapy 3 times a week for 4 weeks to try to strengthen the knee and I guess get the ligament back in shape.   Then I will go back to him in 3 weeks to see how it is doing. He said the next step would be injections of steroids into the knee, but don't really want to do that. I had them in my hip and they hurt and didn't do much good there. He said that the only thing that would really fix the problem is knee replacement, which is not an option right now because I am too young and it would not hold out as long as I need it to. But that is really not news. I was told a few years ago that I would probably have to have hip replacement at some point in my life. This all goes back to the Lupus and the degeneration of the joints because of arthritis. It is hard to be in your 30's and have your doctor tell you that your knee looks like someone in their 60's. 

I know that loosing weight and getting more active will help this some and that is why I set out on this mission in the first place. Because it came to the point that I was tired of everything hurting all the time. I know I will still have some pain, but by golly lets not ask for more then is necessary!!!!

I am so proud of the 16 of us. You can really tell in 3 weeks that we have all grown or shrunk however you want to look at. We may not want to be up doing exercise at 5am, but we are there. We have a mission, right now we still are cheering each other on. There are some people you can really see physical changes in already. It is nice to talk to these fellow meltdowners and hear I am not the only one struggling with this or that. Or to get tips on how someone is making this dish or enjoys this workout. It is our own little dysfunctional family.  It doesn't see black or white, male or female. It see's HUMAN's!  Real people who have real struggles making it day by day, step by step. Making our life's healthier and hopefully our kids, whether birth kids or ones we have at school. We are going to make changes in our lifes that I pray will help others.  I don't regret for one second turning in my application. I was scared at first, but it is teaching me how to be a healthier and hopefully less mass me.

Weekends

Weekends seem to be the hardest for me to keep on the right path. I guess it is because I am at home with the family most of the time. And around an endless supply of food. Part of my "old" (trying to break) habits is to eat when I am bored. I do great during the week at work. I only bring in my lunch what I should have to eat and that is all I have. One advantage to working with all men is they never bring anything into the office. Last weekend when I got the urge to start snaking while everyone else was still sleeping I went to the gym. I am trying hard to break the old habits.
But for those times that I loose my willpower. I have started to keep better snacks in the house. More fruit and ready to eat veggies along with some 100 calorie snacks. That helps because it is portioned out for me and I don't eat the whole bag of cookies.

I saw a lady at the bank today while dropping of the deposit for work who was extremely obese. I did not judge her, but instead thanked God that he opened my eyes to my own issues and problems with food. I am so grateful to serve a God who cares enough about little old me to help me work on my emotional and eating issues!!

Week 2

Well we all survived the second week. As many of you know I have had issues with my left knee.
It all started back in April of 2010 when I was carrying a crockpot and the rest of my body turned but that knee did not. It swelled and gave out on me. And then I fell a few weeks later on the wet floor. At that time I went to the ER because it swelled yet again and hurt to put weight on it. I was on crutches for almost 4 weeks. Still having pain after that time I went to my family dr. and saw his PA. She told me it would just take time to heal and upon pressing her, she sent me for an MRI. It came back "normal" she said, told me with my Lupus it may take a little longer for the joint to heal.

So I continue on with life, over the summer I notice when I walked any distance or tried to do stairs, it would swell again and hurt like all get out. Then the grinding and popping started. But for the most part I could deal with the pain everyday and take an occasional pain pill at night to help me sleep through the pain.
Well after getting into the meltdown and exercising nearly every day. WOW doggy did it really flare it's ugly head at me.  I tried to ice it after working it, I already take anti-inflammatory drugs daily to help with the other joint pain. Nothing was working and now it was hurting all the time not just when I was working it. It started to get stiff and hard to move. So I called the same PA and told her what was going on. She told me to ice it and put bio freeze on it. That it was probably just my Lupus reacting to all the extra exercise.

I was not happy with that answer. The last time I just went with the pain I ended up with major hip surgery in 2007. So I called the trainer that has been working with us at the healthplex and asked for a sports medicine doctor's name. He referred me to Mississippi Sport's Medicine and Orthopedics. I called and they got me in the next morning.
So I go see Dr. Barrett. I tell him all the history of the injury and he starts the exam, snap crackle, pop the knee goes as he bends it and pushes on it, literally making me cry.  I love how they say "oh does that hurt?" YEAH the tears should have been your first clue!!  But then he sits down in the chair and says ok there is something wrong with that knee, I am not sure what exactly, but it is not normal. They took x-rays yesterday and he said it showed a good amount of arthritis in that joint (really can any amount of arthritis be good?) but he doesn't think that is the only thing going on. So we are going to do a repeat MRI there at his facility and hopefully that will tell us something. I do the MRI on Monday, then go back on Wednesday for the results.

He did write on my discharge paper possible Tear of Medial Cartilage or Meniscus of Knee, I googled those terms and by golly that is my symptoms. Treatment can range from therapy to surgery. I told him Thank you for making me feel like I wasn't loosing my mind. He then said "Do your other joints hurt from the Lupus?" "yes they do" "Do they feel like your knee feels?" "well no it is a different pain" "Then it probably isn't just Lupus pain is it?" I wanted to hug the man. Too many times I feel like doctors write everything off to my Lupus. Yes it has a ton of adverse side effects on my body, but not everything can be explained away under that general umbrella.

Whew all of that to tell you about bootcamp today.......
Because he didn't want me to do anything straining or impact until we find out what is going on. Our trainer put me on a stationary bike for the 20 minutes of workout time. I rode it harder then I normally would, because I feel like these mornings are about pushing us. I felt guilty for not doing what the others were doing. They were walk/running the track then doing the stairs up and down, with stops at a ball for crunch's. By the end of the 20 minutes the sharp intense pain on the inside of my knee was back and it hurt to walk. But I was not about to complain. I know it could have been a lot worse if he wouldn't have been understanding and made me try to do the stairs etc.

Then we met with the dietitian again. I am learning new things from her each week. I love the fact that she is trying to teach us a lifestyle change not a diet. We talked about insulin and carbs today and why you need some carbs to keep your body going.

Then we weighed in....
I lost 3 more lbs. So I am at 8 total since I started 2 weeks ago, even if only these 3lbs will count toward the contest I still don't regret those first 5, it is all leading to me being a better me. One who can run around with my kids and enjoy life. That is why I signed up for this in the first place, not for prizes, but for the knowledge and encouragement to get me started. I can already tell I have more energy. I don't want to hit the snooze 50 times in the morning only twice. LOL I just feel my attitude is changing as I adjust to this and have a feeling of accomplishment.

I am so glad that I am writing about this and will be able to look back at the end of April when the meltdown is done and see how far I have come.

First Bootcamp Session

We had our first bootcamp session. It was not near as bad as I had made it to be in my mind. Granted this was just our first one and I am sure he was being easy on us. But it makes me want to come back next week.

We did a warm up walk to start for about 5 minutes. Then we did "stations", kinda took me back to basketball training ( I see lot's of flash backs in my future.) (Thank you Mr. Cregor) He paired us up or we kinda fell in groups of 2 really at each station. We had 3 stations with resistance bands, doing various motions with the arms. One was a bike, steps, hand weights (5lb, 8lb& 10lb), A rowing machine and then shadow boxing. It was supposed to be two rowing machines but one broke. Any way, the first time around we did them for 45 seconds each. Some stations it went by quickly others it felt like forever. Then we went around again for 30 seconds. I actually did better then I thought I would.

I did have to hit my inhaler once as we were doing the walk, but I still have a lot of congestion from being sick. I wanted to get it in my system before a full blown asthma attack and it did what it was supposed to. Although I got winded later doing the stations, not the asthma can't get your breath thing.

The one area of my body where I felt the most burn today was in my arms, my bi & triceps to be exact. I guess I really don't use those muscles that much in everyday life. Sure I pick up Elijah and carry him around, but not really using those muscles.

Then we did 2 laps around the court to cool down.

After that we met with Vicki Mascagni who is our dietitian. If you are interested in her blog it's here. http://fittoeat.wordpress.com/ she has some healthy recipes on there. If you look on the right side blog roll you will find some calculators for BMI and recommended calorie intake. Something you may want to look at. I really like her and the fact that she is teaching us how to apply things in real life. She in fact is a realist. She understands that if we deprive ourselves of everything we have known, we are likely to fall off the wagon. *food is my drug remember* Granted I have to retrain my mind that I do not have to finish everything on my plate, tip 1 today from her, leave food on your plate. That if you are going to have something not so healthy eat half, and eat healthy the rest of the day. Meaning when I get that hankering for something deepfried (oh stop my mouth from watering) that I can have something small and in moderation. Something else she said today is sometimes you have to swing the pendulum all the way back to the left before you can get to the middle. Which is what I think I have to do. I have been living this way for so long that I have to break myself before I can get into a lifestyle that focuses on moderation.

The actual weigh in was not til this morning. But keeping a food journal, which was one of the assignments from last week. Made me really examine what I am eating and in truth stopped so much of the snacking. When you write it all down it becomes some how more real and accountable to yourself.

As a matter of fact from when I weighed in last friday night til the official weigh in this morning I am down 5lbs. I know some of that can be water weight, etc. But I feel it's something and without much working out due to being sick. Lisa told me I should have waited to loose weight because that 5lbs doesn't count toward the contest. I replied that I have a spare 5lbs to loose and still have enough left to be in the competition.

One of the other gals in the contest has started a blog about her experience. If you want to read it here is the link http://www.celestecade.blogspot.com/ I thought some of you might want to read it from another person's experience.

I got to thinking about it as we were sweating this morning, I didn't know about the large cash prize at the end until after I was already chosen to participate. That is not why I did it. But it is an incentive to work hard and beat the other 15 people. If I do by God's grace when a cash prize, I think as a reward Ron and I will have to use some of that money for a weekend get away with just the two of us, cause if it comes to that, I know I will want to celebrate. I don't know if I even stand a chance, it's still so early in the program to know what anyone is going to loose. But either way, win or not, I know I will feel better in the end.

Arrow Meltdown

Today was our kick off to the Arrow Meltdown. It was more of a meet and greet and get signed up day. We have to get our blood work done and meet with a trainer before next weeks meeting. Then next week the real fun begins. For those that don't know, this is the run down. We will meet every Thursday morning at 5am, March 31st will be our last meet and final weigh in will be April 29th. During these weekly meetings we will all be pushed and worked hard by the main trainer. He said he was going to do some of the stuff with us that we may see on the Biggest Looser, me being me, said um make us cry? He also said if we were late he would make us run MORE sprints, so apparently sprints are in my future.

The very thought of the word sprints takes me back to High School and the sprints we all hated, base line to free throw line and back, to the half court and back, other free throw line and back, the other end and back. Man we would run so many of those. Ok my shins are hurting just thinking of running on that tile floor back then.

Ok sorry to get side tracked. We will work with the trainer for 30 minutes then we will have 30 minutes with then nutritionist. Here is a link of an article from today.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41299095/ns/local_news-jackson_ms/

The rest of the time we will do our own workouts that will be given to us when we meet with the one on one trainer. My meeting is next Wednesday the 2nd. Up until then I am going to start walking and maybe join a aqua aerobics class. The other thing we have to do this week is keep a record of what we eat each day and turn it in so she can tell us where we need help.

I am not delusional enough to think this is going to be easy. I use food as my drug of choice. I self medicate with it, when I am sad, mad, lonely, bored and even happy. You name an emotion and I can find a food to stuff in my mouth to make me feel temporarily better. I need to retrain my brain to eat to live, not eat just for pleasure. One of the biggest things I am going to try to work out of my life is the daily need for soda pop. I am addicted, I know there will be withdraw, but it is a ball and chain around me. I for see a break down or two, tears of I can't do this any more.

BUT, I believe in my heart that I have enough love and support from my close friends and family to wipe my tears, give me a hug, then kick my bottom right back to the gym.

I did not become morbidly obese over night. (Wow that was hard to type) Morbidly Obese!

And I know it won't come off over night either. But if the journey leads me down the path of being able to enjoy walking around a museum with my family and not having to stop and rest every so feet it is so worth it!!!

Elijah's Letter

Here is my letter to Elijah. I apologize if it is a little long. But I couldn't break it up.

My dearest Elijah,

Just like in the letter to your sister I don’t know if any of the word’s I know can paint the picture of how much I love you. You are our surprise baby. Your daddy and I wanted a baby, but was told we never would have one. Then one day the Lord decided it was time to send your precious soul to earth and we were chosen to be your lucky parents.

After a few of mommies health issues and some other concerns you came into this world the most handsome baby boy I have ever seen. Right away everyone fell in love with you.

You are only 2 years old when I am writing this letter. But oh have you got your own little personality already. You are such a loving and fun little man. I enjoy your random hugs, kisses and I love you’s. You want to do everything. I absolutely love your curious spirit !!

I am writing you this letter just in case something happens to me. I never want you to wonder if Mom loved you. This is my love note to you. I want to give you a few tips for your life ahead. Let the first one be, We are not guaranteed tomorrow. Mommy doesn’t know when she will be called to Heaven, but I do know that when I die that is where I am going. And after you accept Jesus in your heart and confess your sins. You too will join me there.

Now I don’t know how tall or big you will be. But right now you are not the tallest kid in your class. Don’t let that stop you or hold you back. You can do anything you set your mind to and work hard enough at. You may not be the best at everything you try. But you can be the best you. You may not be an A student, but if you are doing your best , that is what matters. If someone picks on or teases you because of who you are, tell someone, an adult. Don’t let others opinions of you determine who you become. Remember that the person that is trying to hurt you has some kind of hurt inside them to be acting that way. Play fair, even if you loose you will know at the end of the day you did the right thing. If you see someone else getting bullied, help them. DO NOT join the others just because you don’t want to be different. Be the one who makes a difference. You never know when you might save someone’s life.

Enjoy your life in High School, this is one of the most fun times of your life. You will make friends that are there for a few years and maybe a few that last a lifetime. You will start to notice girls. OH GIRLS! Let me tell you that some girls can be mean, not only to other girls but to boys also. You may feel the pressure to date a girl because all the other boys have girlfriends. But let me tell you about dating…. The only girl you should be dating is one that you can see yourself marrying and spending the rest of your life with. That is the purpose of dating, finding your life mate. Let me also tell you that you can get a girl pregnant the first time you have sex, even if you use a condom. Ask your older sister. That is how she got here. Try not to put yourself in a position where these things can happen. Only go on dates where there are other people. Never be alone together. No matter how strong you think you are. Hormones are raging and once things get started it is hard to stop. Make it a rule that you don’t touch anything below the neck. Hold hands sure, maybe kiss and hug, but don’t go further. Put God first in your relationship and stay away from places that make it easy to get in trouble and that will go a long way to keeping you on track.

When you head off to college, remember that you are really there for learning. Not for drinking or endless parties. Although this is the time to get it out of your system. I recommend living on your own at least for a little while. It is a nice luxury. Learn to live with yourself and even though you may be alone you don’t have to be lonely. Study something you love, remember you are going to be working for most of your life so do something you enjoy.

Now if you find that special gal and you two get married. Treat her well! Put God first and then her. Remember she is your help mate not your slave. Give her the love and respect that you want. You will not always see eye to eye. But talk about things, pray about things. Work it out. Marriage is hard work but so worth it. Let her in to your heart. Share your fears and goals with her. Be her rock, but also show her emotion. There is nothing wrong with shedding a tear or two, it cleanses your soul. Cook her dinner once in a while, do some laundry, vacuum the floor. These things that may seem little to you will make a world of difference to her. Give her a back or foot rub. She will return the adoration I promise. Be a gentleman, not only to your wife but to everyone. Open the door for people. Let the little old lady go ahead of you in line. Give a smile; you never know if that is the only smile that person will see that day.

If you have kids, enjoy them. They are the best gifts from God. You will wonder how your heart opened up with all this love for such a little creature. Try to spend as much time as you can with them. Get on the floor and play cars or dolls. Take them in your lap and read them a book. Because in the blink of an eye they will be too big to do those things and then they will be gone to college. I know on those sleepless nights it seems like it will be forever before they take care of themselves. But trust me it goes to fast. And you can never get those days back. Remember that God is first, then your wife, then your kids. With out the previous two you wouldn't have the kids. Time becomes premium after you have children. Take the time to connect with your wife. Kids want to see that their parents love each other and feel secure that their parents love them. Show them what a real man is like. Don’t be afraid to discipline your children. They may say they hate you, but they really don’t. They are just upset and will thank you in the end for being their parent not their buddy. Teach them manners, people were so surprised when you were 2 and you could say please, thank you and welcome. If you can talk to can use manners. No one wants to be around bratty kids.

I pray that I am around to give this to you when you are older. And I am sure there is so much more I want to say to you. But if my chance never comes. Read this and know that I love you, your Daddy loves you and God loves you. You were a wanted baby and a cherished child. You are so special and will do great things. And if I do get to hand you this letter, its ok to just hug me and not get all girly mushy with me.

Your Mom