Tuesday, January 31, 2012


As most of you know from facebook I have dealt with some pretty nasty attitudes at work. While I am looking for another job, I have to hold on to this one til something else comes along. So I have decided after last weeks outburst when he was screaming and up in my face and more then once said "I know it's my fault", that I need to let it roll off my back and not take it so personally.

 It will not be easy I know. I am a tender hearted person. Growing up I got 1 spanking, every other time my dad would just raise his voice and I felt like my world crumbled. I get up every week day with knots in my shoulders and my stomach flipping just wondering what is going to happen at work that day. This is not how I want to live life. I have to make my life better. For me and for my family who also suffers when Mom is sick due to stress. I have to find a way to not let his ugliness rub off on me. I was studying Matthew 7 and once again verses 3 & 4 struck me, if you don't know those ones by heart those are the verses that speak about judging the sawdust in your brothers eye while you have a plank in yours.

Maybe my attitude hasn't been the best back to him, does his hate and anger give me the right to yell back at him? Where is the line between standing up for yourself and being the same mean person? I am struggling with this. I am judging him for being so cruel to me and the other employees but what am I doing wrong to someone else. Am I screaming more at my children, because I was screamed at? That is not fair to them at all. I will not let this bully control my home life. I will not let him bully my kids through me. Yes I want to be used as a vessel, but not for hate, bigotry and anger.

I know God has a plan for my life, maybe staying in this job for a while longer is to teach me a lesson. Not one I am enjoying, but maybe it will soon be over and I will move on to a new job.............

Thursday, January 19, 2012

January BHBC Review

(I was compensated to give a review, but the opinions are my own)

This is the latest Book Club review.  It is titled "the underside of joy" written by Sere Prince Halverson
this is her debut book, and I will be watching for more from her.

This book touched my heart on so many different subjects. 
The first of which begins the story of the main character Ella Beene she struggles with 5 miscarriages before she realizes that her marriage is falling apart. She hits the road in search of herself and peace. She loves how the redwoods of California make her feel. So she follows that love to a small town called Elbow. There she runs into Joe and his two small children and become wife and stepmother literally the same day.  
Joe runs his families small general store that has been passed down 3 generations. 
Like couples do sometimes they go about their daily lives never really dealing with the deep or hard to talk about subjects. Ella knows the store has problems and that business isn't what it should be, but everytime Joe tries to talk to her about it they get distracted. 

It's not until Joe dies in a freak accident that she learns how bad off the store really is or how little she really knew. At the funeral of her beloved a woman she had never seen before shows up. She finds out this is the biological mother to her two children that left them and Joe when they were little. She had a bad case of PPD and just up and left one day without warning or any contact. After seeing her children again and supposedly getting her life back in order she decides she wants to take the children away from Ella.

This is just one more thing on Ella's plate! It is a great read and I don't want to give away too much of the book. But it will make you think about life and death. How much have you and your spouse planned for death and the one left to pick up the pieces. What will happen to the children, birth or step. Do you know where your finances are? Does your spouse know all the passwords? These are all things that came to my mind.

Come see more opinions and discussions at BlogHer.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Made it another year

Well we survived Christmas and New Years. The kids had a ton of fun in Missouri. Elijah told everyone he was extra good this year because he got 2 Christmas'. He is such a ham. Overall I think this holiday season was a great success. I missed my kids like crazy, but to hear the stories and joy they had, it makes it all ok. I only got to see my grandparents a few times a year growing up, we lived in Michigan and they lived in Arkansas and Missouri. I do have some fond memories. But Hannah has so many more already with my folks. She has traveled with them and gone with Papa to the movies. They will both have great memories that no matter how much I miss them, I wouldn't ever want to take away from them. I love that my Dad has carried on with Elijah of them going on "special field trips" (as Elijah calls it) to the movies. It makes them feel special. And my Dad gets a trip out of the house.

I got so wrapped up in them opening gifts at our house that I completely forgot to take pictures!! Opps!

I am still looking for another job, have had some possible leads in the last few days and sent out more resumes. Here's to hopping a new year brings about great changes in that department.
I am pretty sure if I get out of this toxic place it will help my health.

One question that keeps replaying in my mind is why are people so "thankful" over the Thanksgiving but not any other time of the year? Do their blessings stop? Do all the people fighting to defend our friends get to magically come home? (Their families and I wish) Maybe some are thankful year around they just don't verbalize it like they do during November? I know I am guilty of this. I do try to change up my woe is me posts on Facebook with what I am grateful for instead of how bad my job is or how bad I feel. I don't want to be Debbie Downer all the time. Sure I throw cute stuff in about kids here and there. But really why do I care about Facebook? Yes it's fun to read about what's going on in other people's life's. Maybe we want to feel like we don't have it so bad. Or perhaps we want to look to cheer us up. Whatever the reason. I am going to start telling the people in my daily life how thankful I am for them. Maybe not in those exact words. But I want them to know it matters that they are in my life. As Elijah would say "You are my bestest Mommy" who cares that I am his only mommy? Not me.... nope that is the best compliment my "bestest Elijah" could give me!!