Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Costa Rica

Ok, it is official Hannah is signed up to go in June.
So if anyone has any cleaning/babysitting etc. That Hannah can do to raise money. With Ron being out on disability the timing kind of stinks. But we are hoping to be able to do our part after tax rebate time. If you have any idea's how to raise funds or anything like that let us know. We have to have a good chuck in 30 days, so we need to do some work before then. I welcome any and all idea's. I have prayed about this trip and talked to one of Ron's cousins who did several mission trips to this area. And feel a peace about it. If we can get the finance part worked out.
She is so very excited. I still have some reservations as a parent, but I think that is normal.

Thank you all so much.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Just let me tell you!!!

Let me tell you how GRRREAT (picture Tony the Tiger voice) my God is.
I have been overwhelmed time and time again by how he takes care of me and my family.
With Ron having surgery things in our house have been well hectic. For me anyway. I am the worrier the planner you could say. I want to make sure everything that I can possibly control is in order and ready to go. For the most part this works out well. But in doing so I sometimes forget that I am not in charge. I forget if I would turn things over to God that I wouldn't have such the headache. Now don't get me wrong. I am not saying God is going to call the short term disability people or stay home with my 2 year old while I am at the hospital. But he will "If it's his will" allow things to go smoother, let the pieces fit together so to say. I have been praying for weeks about this surgery and all it entails. As have many others. I was nervous. Ron seemed very calm yesterday. I prayed over him and kissed him before they wheeled him out and all of the sudden the calm hit me. I can't thank you prayer warriors enough. Because I know some of my friends/family were not only praying for Ron's surgery, but for me to get through it without getting an ulcer from worry. And it worked. I had a peace that it was going to be ok. And it was. The surgeon came back in last night around 6-6:30pm and told us that the section he removed was really inflamed and irritated. He said that everything hooked back up great and he didn't think he should have any other issues besides the normal healing from this surgery. Last night he was only able to eat ice chips, and today he may start to get to drink a little today. He won't get to eat for a few days yet. They don't want to jump start his system too soon. That is why we don't know how long he will be in the hospital it all depends on how long it takes to get things going again.

But the other thing that God has blessed me with is friends and family. I know he has used people to help me through this time. I am so grateful by the meals that were brought to us. By my Dad who is staying with the kids. And in the mail last night was a visa gift card from a contest I had won. It will come in handy to pay for the extra gas to go back and forth to the hospital. God is really watching out for me/us. OH and this morning as I am talking to my boss' about the surgery and about leaving at noon today to go be with Ron. They tell me they have decided to pay me for yesterday and this afternoon so I don't have to worry about the paycheck. I mean really God has blessed me beyond thought. I never dreamed of them paying me. But it will help so much. They said consider it Christmas.

I don't like to preach to people. If you don't have a relationship with God you are missing out on some serious blessings. I am not talking gift cards or extra hours on your paycheck. I am talking about a peace and love that you know from no other source. I know you get love from family etc. But they are human and as much as we like to think it as unconditional. My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ tells us we can be forgiven of our sins and the slate wiped clean. Now that is unconditional. I am just so overwhelmed by this feeling of love and peace that I had to share it with you all.
Thank you to those who have let Christ live through you and bless me!!!!

Friday, December 3, 2010


NIV Version

1st Corinthians 10:11 These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the fulfillment of the ages has come. 12 So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! 13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

Same Verses:

The Message

11-12These are all warning markers—danger!—in our history books, written down so that we don't repeat their mistakes. Our positions in the story are parallel—they at the beginning, we at the end—and we are just as capable of messing it up as they were. Don't be so naive and self-confident. You're not exempt. You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else. Forget about self-confidence; it's useless. Cultivate God-confidence.

We all make mistakes. Not a one of is perfect, although sometimes we would like to think we are. I know I am in no way perfect. What I do know is that I was created in the image of THE Perfect One. And that everyday is a test to be like Him. We all have different struggles. Some may be drugs and alcohol. Other's it may be money or food. Some may even have issues with fidelity. No matter what your stumbling point, I found these verses comforting in my Bible studying today. And it left such an impact on my heart that I have been thinking about it all day and felt the need to blog about it. If someone that happens to read this needed to hear these verses then praise the Lord that I listened to His calling.

If you are not being tempted, then my friend watch out cause the devil has already won that battle. The biggest part of these verses that stuck out is God is faithful. We will fall and stumble but he will always be there and will not give us more then we can handle.

I know several people who look at that verse and relate it too bad things that happen to us, that he will not give us more then we can bear. But I don't think it has to do with that at all. I think it has all to do with temptation. Yes we are creatures of free will, but he knows where our heart is and he is going to let the devil tempt us, but not more then we can't say no to and rebuke.

I have a deep calling in my heart to help our teenagers prevent teenage pregnancy. And this verse keeps coming into my head when I think of it. Yes you will be tempted but you CAN get through it without failing.. I am excited about the chance to go with some of our youth to a program called Silver Ring Thing. (www.silverringthing.com) I want them to know even if they have fallen they can start over. Isn't that just the most wonderful gift. That we can be forgiven and get a second chance? What ever it is my friends that is tempting you I hope you find a way to overcome and become closer to God. It is a long journey, but such a rewarding one. Nothing else can offer the final reward that God does.

Ok I am getting off my soapbox now, back to your regularly schedule programing!

Monday, November 22, 2010

An Everyday Heart

Since most of you are friends with me on Face Book you have seen in the last couple weeks that I am trying to be thankful for what I have. Well in SS class yesterday one of the questions in our study hit home. Maybe not in class but later in the day as I reflected on it. I am paraphrasing here,
"How would your life be different if you let God a little more into your heart?"
By our own human standard we all wanted to say, he was in our heart fully. But the great thing about these women that I grow in Christ with is we all agreed that we could all let Him in a little more.

There are areas in my heart that I hold back, sometimes not even by a conscious choice.
I learned several years go after holding on to some pain for way too long. That the longer you hold that pain and hurt in your heart, the longer you are letting that person control you.
With that being said it is not something you can just do on your own. I find even though I have tried through the years to "Let go and let God" I screw it up. That's right me. My God is always there, always holding out his hand. Just waiting for me to allow him to embrace me. To take away the hurt, pain and fear that consumes me. It is such a relief to turn it all over to him, yet I try to hang on to it for so long. Trying to fix it for myself. Maybe it's pride. Maybe just stubbornness.
However life is always better after I turn it over. You would think being a grown woman I would learn that by now. Ummm NOPE! Still struggle with turning it all over to Him.
Money issues, relationship issues, family issues. He wants to help with it all. He wants to take the burden. Why don't we let him?
One of my friends wrote that the true show of faith is not in the Highs and Lows of living this life, but the middle. Are you praising him during that time? The mundane parts of life. Are you turning over the "everyday problems"? Sure we all pray when people we love are sick. We also rejoice and give praise when we see miracles. But what about that middle? Do we let him in on that part? I think my goal this holiday season is to let him into that space of my heart. The everyday.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Brick between the eyes..

Do you ever feel like God has to give you a brick between the eyes before you get something?

I DO!!!!

There have been many times that I have argued with my Lord only to give in and do what is right. I guess it is human nature. Most of the arguments from me start with something along the lines of "but what will they think". Ok I know that we shouldn't care what other people think. However it is something that is our nature I think. We start when we are still small. We want to fit in. No one wants to be the one to stick out, a thought that increases by leaps and bounds when we hit teenagism. *yep that's my new word*

Now you may not have been the one that had to have the clothes that was popular, or played sports, or listened to the same music. But for the most part you probably didn't do too much to stick out either. No one wants to be made fun of.

On the way to work/school this morning a song came on K-Love. As I was singing along, without even realizing I was doing it I was raising a hand in praise. After the song Hannah asked "Why do some people do that?" of course I had to ask do what? "Raise their hands when they sing". OH THAT......
Well it is a way of worship I tell her, I remind her how it speaks of raising hands to praise in the Bible. I asked her what her thoughts were on it. And she told me she has seen me do it in church along with some other people, but never really felt lead that way. She also wanted to know if I felt weird sometimes doing it in church if there was no one else doing it also.
Well honestly NO! I don't look around in church to see if other people are holding their hands up or if they are clapping. If I feel like I need to do those things I do.

It has not always been that way.

One of my dear friends was moving out of state and during one Sunday service before they left the Lord was telling me to get on my knees and prayer with her before we left the church. I argued over and over in my mind and heart through the whole service. What would everyone think? What if she rejected me? Guess what she didn't, we knelt and prayed and we were both touched beyond what we can do, God blessed us both in that moment.
Later as I was retelling the story to my hubby, his simple reaction was my brick between the eyes moment. "Well if you can't kneel and pray at church, where else should you do it" OH LORD!! Yeppers that one got me. He was right of course. *yes honey I said you were right fell free to print this blog post and frame it*

I too often let others determine how I worshiped.

As I was thinking about blogging about this or to just let it go. A friend of mine from High School posted a link to a new blog her brother is writing.
Again it was like the brick between my eyes, telling me to write what was on my heart.
I may have a big bruise on my forehead, but I will praise the Lord that he cares enough about lil ole me to throw the brick!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Trip Abroad

The other night as I was cooking dinner/washing dishes (oh I miss a dishwasher). Hannah was there helping me which she often does. That is the time we talk about school, friends, church, my work, anything really. I think we have a great relationship and she tells me a lot about her life. I know there is stuff she won't tell me, but all I can do is to be there when she is ready to talk. This night her Spanish class was on her mind. Apparently during said class her teacher got a packet of information on a class trip. Which I am also told the foreign language class takes once a year during the summer. This years trip is to Costa Rica. Ok is possibly to Costa Rica. She continues that the teacher doesn't have all the details yet but that it looks like the trip would cost $2000.00 for travel, hotel, meals etc. I think she expected me to freak. Instead I said ok get me all the details and we will call your dad and tell him to come up with half and we will try to come up with half. I wish I would have taken a picture. I emailed the teacher the next day and asked for all the details as soon as she gets them.

See I have a different situation then probably some of the parents. My ex lives out of state, he also refused to sign passport papers last time we tried. We have to have him sign a notarized letter or be there in person. I have been praying about this. I hope if this comes to be he sees how much it would mean to her. Please my friends and family pray with me on this.

I told her this trip and the cost of or at least spending money may fall on her shoulders too. She will have to save her birthday, christmas and any other money. And she may find herself babysitting, cleaning windows or just anything she can to earn extra cash.

I hope this is something she gets to do. It is a once in a lifetime chance I think. And if possible I am gonna do all in my power to make it happen. In that same breath. This trip scares me. Hannah is a traveler, she has literally gone from the Mexico border to Niagara Falls, but it has always been with me or my folks. She is a good girl and listens well. It is everyone else I am scared of. All of the travel advisories. I know the teachers would not go some place they didn't think was safe. But I am a mom. I guess the whole point of blogging about this is to call prayer. I will keep everyone updated when I know more.

Thank you to all.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Chance at free money.

I know we can all use a chance at extra cash. So I am passing on a chance to win a $100.00 visa gift card. Go check out this blog post http://suburbanturmoilreviewstoo.blogspot.com/2010/10/tell-me-about-your-favorite-annual.html
It's easy just leave a comment with your Christmas breakfast and you are entered to win.
Now I am going to enter twice by blogging about it here, but there are other ways you can enter too. I just know we can all use extra cash. Christmas will be here before we know it.
You may also want to check out her many other blogs too while you are there. She is a funny down to earth mother.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Boy or Girl, Truck or Doll????

Elijah is at that wonderful imagination stage in his life. All of us in the house have at one time or a hundred played cars with him or other things. I love this wonderful stage. I enjoy seeing things come to life in his mind. I try to encourage this play. He recently found one of Hannah's old Barbie's, now while it may not be cool for a boy to carry around a doll. We as parents have listened to the experts that say boys who are allowed or encouraged to play with dolls/stuffed animals develop better language skills. I think it also promotes caring and nurturing. As he cleans his "baby", tells her she is stinky and then gets a wipe and cleans her. He has her ride on the cars and sometimes even run over by the cars.

I just don't know where this label of boys with trucks and girls with dolls came from. I think it is outdated. Now I am not saying I want Elijah to run around in a dress or anything. But having been a fire fighter, EMT, and a Deputy. I guess you could say I don't believe in the stereo types. I had one guy who challenged me often when I joined the fire department and 9 times out of 10 I could out lift, run etc. against him. I thank my high school basketball coach for that. Man was he a drill instructor. But I was in good shape and had muscles. :-) Those friends from High School can think back at how much we cursed Coach Cregor at the time. But all that hard work did pay off.
Granted now I couldn't do half of what I did then. I still have some strength and got a chance to prove so when Ron and I moved and it was a wench, Him and myself loading his fully loaded tool box from hedoublehockeysticks.

My point is why? Why can we all not be free to just be who we are and do what we love. Isn't that what America is about? Freedom? This maybe freedom on the most basic level. And probably not what our Founding Fathers was thinking of. But it is still a freedom none the less.
So what do you think. Do you let your boys play with dolls? Or your girls play with trucks? Do you encourage it? Or just let them if they ask?

Friday, October 15, 2010

Hannah Part 2

Part 2. It seems there is so much more I want to say. But the words are not there right now. Thank you for taking this journey with me.

Although being right is nice, you won’t always be. Try to be strong enough to admit when you are wrong and don’t gloat when you are right.

At some point in your life you will question your belief in God and in humanity. This is ok and this is normal. You will find that you wonder what is real and what you have just followed because you were told that is right. At this point I encourage you to find answers. Do research. Talk to others. Reflect. If you kept your prayer journals go back and see where you prayed for things and how God answered them. I know it sounds crazy when you are questioning God, but pray……..ask for answers. Talk to your friends, family and pastor. Everyone has stumbled at some point and if they tell you they haven’t they are lying and you need to reevaluate your relationship with them.

While we are in the mindset of God. Let’s talk about judging and loving others. Remember that everyone is a child of God and deserves love. You do not have to believe what they believe, you don’t have to think what they do is right. But remember that we have all sinned and fallen short. Homosexuals, murders, the teen mom, the drug addict. I am not saying you have to break bread with them. But don’t judge them instead say a prayer for them.

Let’s just continue on and talk about sin for a minute. We ALL do it. You are going to be tempted! I personally have never done illegal drugs, so I can’t offer you much advice. I know for some people that pull to use is strong. I can tell you that you can live a happy life without them. I have and do have an occasional drink of alcohol. You will have your own conviction about this, but I believe as long as you do this in moderation and don’t get silly drunk you are ok. There is a reason however for an age limit. Your young body is not equipped to deal with these things. But know that if you ever do find you have tried some and now are scared. Please don’t drive. Call me, I will come get you. I will not scream, I will not be mad. I may be disappointed and we will talk the next day about the choice you made. But I would rather have a moment of a broken heart then to loose you forever.

Moving right along to S.E.X. Yes we have talked about this several times. I know the temptation. I fell for it. It changes you and your heart. You really do loose a part of yourself. Sex in and of its self feels good that is the reason you do it. But it has many consequences. There are the physical ones like pregnancy and STD’s. But the emotional ones hurt deeper and take so long to heal. You see you give away part of yourself. There is no greater gift you can give your future spouse then your pure body. It creates a bond, physically and emotionally. Sex is one of the ways you will connect with your Husband that you can’t with anyone else and he with you. It is a true expression of love and trust. But also know that there are times when sex will not be so important. When one of you is sick or hurting. When life gets in the way. Build a solid relationship first and when these times come you will recover. You will still have the closeness. It is something special to have someone to share a smile, a special look and the inside joke that no one else gets.

Now if you do happen to have sex before you are married and you do get pregnant it is not the end of the world. If you are under 18 *God forbid* I will not scream and holler. I will not disown you. I will cry with you. I will pray with you. I will tell you that you are not going to kill it. I will tell you that you are going to finish your education. And I will tell you that God still loves you. That this sin can also be forgiven!

And moving right along now……

Fight Fair, don’t bring up things from the past.

Forgive, You do not have to forget the hurt or the wrong someone did. But if you hold the hate and pain in your heart you are only allowing them to control you.

Remember to sing and dance. Even if its only in the shower and car. If you only dance at home in your bathrobe.

Enjoy life, baby you only get one.

Love often. Yes it means you may get hurt more. But it really does fulfill your life. I don’t mean a lot of men. I mean friends and family.

Try your hardest to eat right and exercise. I know this probably makes me sound like a hypocrite. But I am living the down side of that hill. And it is really hard to change direction when your rolling down hill. I hope you don’t have the hurt and pain that I feel all the time. I hope you don’t have regret at what you can’t do or what you are missing out on because you are too big or out of shape. But don’t deprive yourself either. Every now and again enjoy that piece of cake you love so much or that bowl of ice cream.

One day you may or may not have kids of your own. If you do you will know that the heart really does grow. With each child you will somehow love them the same as the other’s. You will feel new pride and joy. You will also feel new pain and hurt. Because when they feel pain and hurt you will to. You will be scared in ways you never knew. But you will be amazed in even greater ways. Motherhood is the hardest job I know, but it is by far the most rewarding. Try to give each child some one on one time. Let them know they are each special. Show them God through you. But remember to put God first, then your Husband, then your kids because without your husband there would be no kids.

There is so much more that I am sure I want to tell you or wish for you. But if nothing else in this letter means anything please remember this. I love you, you are a child of God and you are special !!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

To Hannah Part 1

**Disclaimer: This was getting long so I am going to break it into parts. Here is Part 1**

I have been pondering life and death lately. I am not sure why this is. But I think every parent has the fear at some point of leaving their kids too soon.

I think of all the things I would want my children to know if I couldn’t tell them.

And then it hit me, why wait? Why not make a list or a letter of sorts to them now. Let them know how much I love them and what I hope for them in life.

I will start with Hannah since she is old enough to read. I invite you to see my heart put into words for my daughter.

My precious baby girl. It is true I got pregnant way too young with you. But I would not give you up for anything. You have made me a better person. I am so proud of the young woman you are and of the lady you are becoming.

Let’s start with the 36 hour labor, it just proved to me that the really good things in life are worth waiting for and take some hard work, sweat and sometimes tears to get the pay off. And oh were you a payoff. Your beautiful face, the barely there peach fuzz hair. Up until you were 2 I did not know if I would ever be able to put a bow in your hair. Now look at all of the thick curls of hair on your head. *see waiting paying off again*

I tried so hard when you were little to keep you clean. HA! As you have seen with your little brother that is a waste of time. I only wish I wouldn’t have wasted as much time worrying about dirt and spent more time playing in the dirt with you. I did not realize at the time how quickly you wouldn’t want to play in the dirt with Mom anymore.

I am sorry thing’s didn’t work you between your Dad and me. I hope you know that we both love you very much and never wanted you to be from a “broken home”. I know that the journey with us has not been fun at times and I know you have seen us fight and argue. For that my heart breaks, you as a child should never have had to bear witness to that. Please remember that I am human and I was still so young and did not realize the extra hurt it would cause you. I know that going between two homes has been hard on you at times. I just hope that your heart is so full of love from two homes not just one. I know that your step-dad loves you with all his heart and you will always be his little girl as though you were his blood. Although I do not know your step-mom well I would like to think the same can be said for her.

You my daughter are easy to love. Everyone who meets you falls in love with you. You have the soul of an elder and the heart of God. I pray that your heart stays true and you keep your eyes on the Lord.

As you go through your teen years and into college you will have many trials and tribulations. Here is a little insight from my walk on this journey……..

Don’t let others tell you how you should dress. Just be comfortable and confident in what you wear. Also remember that under garments are meant to be worn “under” clothes not shown to others. It is not fair to judge a book by its cover, but many do. So pay attention to what your cover says about you.

Girls can be mean!!! You may be hurt more by girls then by boys. Sometimes it is their own insecurities that make them that way. Don’t let them get you down, keep your chin up and keep moving.

Speaking of boys, whew this thought still scares me. Remember when you are dating that you are looking for the person you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with. I don’t mean that you will find him on the first date, but this is not to be just another number in your phone. I pray for your future husband, and you should to. Pray that God leads you to who it is he made for you.

I also pray that this young man be a Christian. I pray that you have someone to love you and love the Lord. If he loves the Lord first he will love you the way you deserve to be loved. I pray that you find someone that “gets you”, One that laughs at your jokes and makes you laugh with his. One that realizes that although the house may be a woman’s domain, it doesn’t mean that he should not be your helpmate. On that note my dear daughter, just because he doesn’t do something just the way you would do it. Be thankful that he helped and let him know. Men need to be told they are doing a good job. I hope you find one that does all the special things for you. That doesn’t mean you need flowers every week. But maybe he washes the dishes without you asking, or rubs your back. I hope he sees your needs and does the best he can to ease your burdens.

Remember that you can be anything you want to be (ok no you can’t be a dinosaur, except to dress like Barney). If you decided to pursue a career before you get married more power to you. If you get married while your working on it, that is fine too. If you choose to never get married well then that will be ok too. Whatever it is you do, even if it is waiting tables, just give it your best. Keep a good attitude and a smile on your face and even the hardest jobs can be rewarding. On the subject of waiting tables, remember that “service” workers are people too. Always treat them with respect and honor. You are not better then them. If someone does a great job tell them. Everyone likes to know when they do good. Always tip well if your service is good. And just because your food may not be right, it probably wasn’t the waiters fault. Remember it got made in the kitchen.

Even though this is easier said then done. Speak up for yourself. If you feel you are not being treated well then say so. You alone teach people how to treat you! Learn how to say NO to people. You don’t have to be everything to everyone. But in return try to help as many people as you can. Take a meal to a friend who needs it. Buy an extra soda for someone. Let the little old lady in line in front of you. Let me tell you some of the most meaningful things have been a quick text or call from a friend to let me know they are thinking and praying for me.

Pray for your friends, husband, kids, family etc. We all need prayer and God grants you a special bond when you are praying for them and them for you.

To be continued.......

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

One last Hoorah!

We spent the weekend in Alabama, Daulphin Island to be exact. It was the weekend of my husband's birthday and our last planned trip camping this year. We will soon winterize the camper and not see it again til maybe spring break of next year. That my friends saddens me.

Growing up most of our vacations were to see family. Sure my parent's camped, but they gave that up before I came along. So I really never knew if I liked it or not?!? But since we have had a camper, either home made or factory made. We have put to use time in campgrounds. And I must say I love pretty much every minute of it.

I love being away from home, no tv making us sit dormant, the together time, not each of us doing our own thing. Sure at night when we are all hunkering down we tend to do different things, read, check email, play with trucks ( Ron just can't leave the trucks alone hehe i kid).

But during the day it is pure family time. Weather it is watching them play on the play ground or exploring the USS Alabama. It is us.

I know my kids will grow up too quick and soon it will be just Ron and I camping and that will be fun too, but for now I am trying to make the most of this precious time I have.

Which is why when Elijah looked like this 30 minutes after a bath I just laughed.
You see before the bath it looked like I let him crawl up the chimney, he was black from head to toe. But man the giggles and fun he had getting that way were well worth it. I have learned over the years that dirt can be washed and that they are little kids only once.
Oh the other plus of camping is cooking hot dogs on the grill. I love me some hot dogs on the grill. This weekend was perfect camping weather too. Warm during the day and a nice cool breeze at night. Made me think of Falls in Michigan. Back when tee shirts were good during the day, but sweat shirts and bon fires were needed at night. Sometimes I miss those trips to the pumpkin patch where the only time you got warmed up was by the warm cider you drank with the sugar donuts inside.
So as we bid farewell to summer I will carry pictures of a dirty, happy lil boy and the smells of BBQ's. Hopefully I have enough stored to last til next spring!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Sleep Study

I had a sleep study last night. If you have never had one it is well an experience.

And so since I am a true friend........Here is my rendition of how the night went.

I got to the clinic at 7:30. Filled out all the paperwork. Then was led to a room that resembled a hotel room. Not to bad I thought, it only needed it's own bathroom. Had to share with the room next door, which wasn't so bad. So then they take you to this room with all kinds of wires and have you sit in a recliner (at least you don't have to stand) and they attach all kinds of wires to you all over.

See all wired up.

I was able to go back to my room and watch, read, text friends what have you for about another hour or so then they came in a little before 10 and said it was time to turn everything off. They did some test to make sure everything was working. Which consisted of wiggling toes, moving my eyes, fake snoring.

Needless to say I didn't get much sleep. Between my heart heavy with some other personal issues and all the wires and a strange bed and....well that is a ton of and's huh? I know I woke up at least 6 times. I do not know if it was from snoring/apnea or noises or what. But a restful night I did not have. I have an appointment in 2 weeks to go see their doctor. I don't know if I have to wait til then to get results or if my primary care doc will call with them. But either way I will just continue to annoy my hubby with my snoring.

So my friends that is what happens. And OH it is an awful mess trying to clean all that goop out of ones thick curly hair the next morning. That is my public service announcement on Sleep Studies.

OH and you have a camera watching you the whole time. Yeah that creeped me out a little too.

And Becky @ http://blabbing-becky.blogspot.com/ if you read this even if I have sleep apnea I am NOT getting the surgery Brad did not after reading your blog LOL.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

High School

I know some of us are further from high school life then others. But your time in said school molded part of your life for better or worse. Those 4 years of your life could have been pure joy, or pure hell. Or maybe you were the one that just got by neither yeah or nay. I do not watch MTV much but thanks to one of my friends I started watching a show called "If you really knew me", after watching it with my husband once I decided this is something Hannah should watch as she is in her first year of H.S.

The premise of this show is they get all types of kids together, all the different stereo types and make them do different exercises together that make them open up. Showing that all people have pain and problems, it doesn't matter if you are the "jock" or the "stoner". These kids start to see the other person for what they are another human being. Someone with feelings and issues just like everyone else.

Looking back now I wish as a kid I would have taken a little more time to get to know some of my classmates better. I tried not to be mean to anyone. But I know I could have been more sympathetic to what others were going through and maybe even helped.

As you know I got pregnant the summer between my junior and senior year of H.S. But I didn't know I was until about the middle of the year my senior year. Because I went to a christian school, I had to leave. It was one of the hardest things I have had to do. I did home school the rest of that year so that I could get a diploma. But most of the friends I had, well they kind of faded away. There was a couple that still called occasionally, but we were at different parts of life and well I was an outcast now. I can't fault them now as an adult for that. Why should they have reached out to me? Only I knew the pain that it caused my heart. The deep ache that my heart beat everyday for the loss of friendship, senior trips, walking across the stage at graduation.
It was one of the loneliest times of my life. I still had my family, which I am grateful for and a few friends that hung on even if at a distance. For that I am grateful, but that deep longing I felt for someone, anyone to let me talk, cry, share my pain. Well that is one of the reasons I went into a deep post pardon depression.

No one can ever know whats going on inside another's head, but my Dad figured out a few key pieces and saw where I was falling apart inside and got me help. I was able to talk to a doctor and with therapy and some medication got back into life. I did after all have this wonderful daughter and even though some of my dreams and future may have been crushed at that moment. I began to realize that I could make new dreams and a different kind of future.
Sure I still missed some of the friendships that I had and in my own way morned for those.
I had one friend that got married about the same time and we still did things here and there and we are still friends to this day even though many hundreds of miles separate us.

I encouraged Hannah to watch that show so maybe she may think twice about the other kids in her school. About what's going on in their life, not just about her. We don't know if that kid who always looks angry gets hit at home or if the only meal he gets is the one the school provides. I told her she doesn't have to be best friends with everyone in school. But that no one deserves to be bullied or looked down upon. She has mentioned this one boy who is spastic and always disrupting the class. I mentioned to her that maybe he is doing it to get attention, think of the "class clowns" on that show and the reasons they gave for doing things to get people, anyone to just notice that they are there. She said yeah I never thought of it that way. I don't expect her to stick up for every kid in school it's just not going to happen. But if that one time she says "hey just leave him/her alone" and that kid doesn't take his life, or perhaps they see Christ in her. If that is her one moment to let her light shine. Then all praise be to God!

We all want better for our kids then we had, that is the natural way for parents. Now my parents were great don't get me wrong. I just want her to have friendships that matter. Not just a gossip partner. I am still learning at 32 what true friends are. I love the fact that I have ladies that pray for me and my family on a regular basis. Women that really care what the test results of my husbands are. Ones that celebrate with me when Hannah gets all A's and ones that cry with and for me when things give me nightmares.

We should all strive to be more Christlike. And it makes a difference when you have people by your side to encourage you and hold your hand when you walk down that path.

Maybe it is a smile you give to someone today or a word of encouragement. Maybe it is a hug. Or maybe it is just a prayer you quickly say for God to be with that person, cause you can't get them off your mind. May your light shine to someone today. Because my friends this world is a dark place and we need all the light we can get.

Friday, October 1, 2010


The day is near. The day my baby gets all dressed up in her first fancy shmancy dress and goes to a real dance. I have to go to UPS today and pick up her dress cause there was some confusion about our address, so AUGH kinda freaking about that. Hope it fits good, cause I have run out of time. The dance is TOMORROW! I am not a sower. I can put buttons back on and mend tiny holes. So here's to hoping it fits well or at least enough that some double sided tape can fix.

This dance has brought up so many of those mommy emotions in me, which you have all heard already so I won't go over them again. But my dear husband brought to mind the other night and great memory of when Hannah was young(er).

She was in K-grdn and during home coming week the school made posters and got the little ones all excited about watching the upcoming parade. She came home the night before said parade and in her innocence. Said "Mommy there is just one thing I don't get?" I said of course "what?" "I just don't get who's coming home?!?!"
I giggled and try to explain to this sweet girl about people who graduated coming back to the school etc. But it will forever be my happy memory come homecoming time. No matter how old she is.

And by the grace of God, I now have a second growing child to get more quotes from as time goes on.

I am glad my little girl is growing up. And proud of the young lady she is becoming. For if she wasn't growing then I would be doing something wrong. For all my Clinton friends. Happy homecoming!

Pictures will come next week.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010


I saw this link on a friends page (thanks C) and after reading it and thinking.
I decided to pass it along to my friends to. Worth a read.


I have not read any of his other pieces yet. But this spoke to me.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Seasons are a changing.

Oh the weather today in middle Mississippi is just well WONDERFUL!!!! I wish my office had windows to open and let the breeze blow through. I miss this time of year in the northern parts of the U.S. where leaves change, and you can wear a sweat shirt at night around a bonfire.
Where you go get pumpkins and apples at orchards and drink apple cider with fresh cinnamon donuts.

However I feel another change coming on. I recently talked to a group of teen mom's at our church and it felt good to talk to them. For them to ask questions. I pray that if I made a difference to just one it was so worth it. Some other things have came up in my life and those that I know. Nothing to disclose here. But I have a feeling in my heart that I need to do more in my life. I am still trying to figure out just what. After a tearful discussion with my husband last night, I am thinking along the lines of maybe the crisis pregnancy center. Or maybe I need to do more in my church. I am not sure. Please pray for me my friends and family as I try to figure out where God is leading me. I feel the tug on my heart, I just need to figure out where to go.

I know that there are a lot of people out there need to know God's unconditional love and they need to know that someone cares. Not sure where I fit in to this picture. But I know that I need to do more. It is not enough to sit in my bed and cry to my husband about my heart breaking for these people. I feel a call to action. Maybe I need to talk to the teen girls at my church before they become Moms. I am not sure. .........

Where ever this path is going to lead I pray that I do it for Him and not for me. Please keep me in your prayers. If you have any suggestions for me. Please let me know. Either on a comment on here or privately.

Thank you!!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Blind Faith

Blind faith, kinda redundant isn't it. Since faith is believing in something without seeing.
I see this in my kids. And we should strive to be more like children.
"Mark 10:13-16 says
And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them. "

I love the fact that at his point in Elijah's life he still thinks kisses heals most wounds. Last night he fell off a stool and as I was laying in bed feeling like I was gonna die, Hannah brought him to me and said "Mom he feel off the stool and scrapped his arm he is not bleeding, but I thought you should know." He said "Mama kiss it" So as I kissed it, he says "thank you" and is off and running again. Yes I know there is actually medical proof that a mothers kiss does release endorphins that do in fact makes kids feel better. But oh the lessons we adults could learn from this.

I have been sicker the last few days. I finally broke down and went to the doctor yesterday after I was running 102.8 fever. Got a shot and some pills. And now today I am feeling better. However in the doctor's office yesterday it occurred to me that I hadn't prayed about it yet. I pray for other people every day, so and so's family member to get better etc. But yet when it came to my own sickness I hadn't taken the time to lay it down. Maybe it is because we think sometimes that our little problems don't matter. But we should......... Just like Elijah thinks a kiss can heal most anything, prayer can release those same endorphins.

I think God gave us doctors and medicine to help us feel better, but as I am growing and learning I have started to believe that if we ask him to kiss our boo boos he will give us that peace too.

Monday, September 20, 2010


I know I have been absent from writing. Well my life has been a little busy. At work I learned a second person's job. I had a lot of free time before, so this just means I have a full day now. It will all work out. And the work is not hard, it flows with my job that I already had, it's just doing the work of two people. Oh and I feel like crud. Ok crud warmed over. This sinus/cold crap is kicking me in the seat of the pants. But that is not what I set out to write about....

I wanted to talk about moving. Since we have a good year under our belt now. I wanted to talk about moving to Mississippi.

Oh how you realize where your comfort zone was when you move hundreds of miles away from "home". When we decided to move, I told my hubby "this is either going to make us or break us". So far it has made us. We are closer now, because for a while we were all each other had.

We worried about moving kids, especially Hannah. She seems to have adjusted as well as can be expected. She still misses her friends in IL. But she has made new friends. She likes the youth group at church. And is excited to go to her first dance in a couple weeks. I was so worried about her making new friends, she is not one to make a lot of friends. She is just a good friend to few. But she has found her group of girlfriends and seems to be happy about it.

I on the other hand didn't really have any close friends in IL. The one "best" friend that I had, the one I could call with everything moved away to CA. I had a bunch of acquaintances. But that was it. Still I was leaving home. I left a job that I LOVED and bosses that meant the world to me.

When we first started going to Church down here. One special lady said hi and showed me around. She invited me to her Sunday school class. And from that day on, I have gained girlfriends. They call to check on me. They let me cry, and most of all they pray for me. Wow this is what I have been missing my whole adult life!!!!
I never expected this when we moved, but it is a definite upside. And now in that same Sunday School class I am learning to be a better girl friend to them. And how a true friend should help you and encourage you to be more Christ like. That is this group of ladies for me.

Yes moving was hard. And at times I still miss things about "home" , but this is becoming home more and more all the time. Besides isn't home just where the heart is and my heart is defiantly here in Mississippi with my family and new friends!

Monday, September 13, 2010

Stop Time STOP!!!

I really don't have much to say this time around. Except I want to stop time!

My little girl wants to go to homecoming dance this year. (I have to let that sink in)

Not with a date, because "Mom really all the guys at school are still just dumb". (Mom jumping up and down!!!)

But with friends......

OK I am breathing through this. And trying to talk my heart into letting go that little bit that is needed to enjoy this for and with her. Yeah there is the fun of picking out a dress and getting all dolled up......... that part is fun right?

However I don't want to spend next month's groceries on a dress. I am gonna hit some second hand stores and even heard a place here in town might rent them out. Need to check on that one. But it still comes back to the fact that my baby girl is growing up and I am not ready! Yes I am selfish, darn tooting she is my only girl. I want her to have great memories of this time of her life. I know I have some pretty good memories of High School. Yeah we all have some not so good ones too, but let's hope the good out number the bad.

Ok my peeps that is it, that is what is on my heart today that I can share with the masses.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

For Real?!?!?!

Ok I am gonna make you work a little in this post. Check out this link.


Go ahead, I will wait for you..............Wow you read slow..just kidding.

Now I find so many things wrong with this picture. Please tell me I am not the only one. I get the concept that they are hoping using a picture of a child will make someone slow down. But what happens when someone is say drunk. (not gonna argue they shouldn't be driving anyway) But they see a real child and think its a speed bump or an elderly person who can't see real well (again not driving is not the issue stay with me). This to me is so politically incorrect that it brought to mind allowing men to put pictures of women on punching bags. Yes over reaction I know. But the same kind of idiotic ideology is what i am speaking of. Come one people think a little more on this issue please. I for one don't want my child mistaken!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

The Research Paper dum dum dum

Health. Such an easy word. Not hard to spell, You can be in "bad" or "good" and most people understand what you mean. However, health can be a tricky thing. It is one thing that a majority of people take for granted (imo).

I have had a love/hate relationship with my personal health, from the time I was little I have been in and out of hospitals and for many of the times they never really knew what was going on with me, fevers that were so high I would hallucinate. I can remember the spinal taps, the laying in the hospital bed with only undies on. This went on for several years and to this day have no clue why or what was wrong. I can only imagine what that put my parents through. As a parent I fret and fright over every sniffle it seems, but more on that later.

Around the age of 14 or so I was diagnosed with Lupus and Endometriosis, (most of you know this stick with me) Lupus wasn't something new to me as my mother has it also. But I have a different outlook on it now then I did as a kid. It has been brought to the front of my mind lately because my daughter is doing a research paper on it. She naturally has fears and thought that she could learn more about this disease that corrupts her families dna. What she didn't expect was to have to have an out of family source. In trying to help her with finding someone to talk to about it I got to thinking how much do I really know? Not much really. I know what I have learned over the years from my own mother. I know that when I over do it I get really tired, so tired most people just don't understand that it takes every bit of energy to get out of bed and most the time the smile I give is just to hide the tears. Most people don't know that almost every part of my body hurts almost all the time. They also don't know that although I am obese, I have tried to loose weight and most times I get started only to go into a flare and get put on steroids which then makes me gain more weight then I started to loose. Depression is very easy when it comes to this disease. I fight a battle daily.
I am not talking suicide or anything although I have had my own dark moments in life like most have. I am talking about really enjoying the days where I feel better. Being able to enjoy my kids before they are grown and on their own. It is harder with a 2 year old now. When he brings the little toys to me and says "mama play" and it hurts my fingers and wrists so bad to hold that little toy, but the joy it brings him far out ways it. These are the real deal things that I want Hannah to know, but that I will never tell her! Yeah she knows Mom has to take it easy sometimes, Mom has to try to stay out of the sun and use lots of sunscreen. But I as a parent don't want her to know the true dirt. She shouldn't have that worry!!!

I want her to do well on her paper, I want her to get as much info as she needs, but AUGH when as a parent do you let them just learn? I have got her numbers of people to talk to, and have tried to help her with a list of questions to ask when she does call. I just don't want her to open that Pandora's box in her mind and have her start to worry about all the bad things that can happen, because well a kid shouldn't worry about when or if their parents organs are gonna shut down. How my body plays war with itself daily.

I now look back at how my parents must of felt when I was diagnosed. They knew about this disease and what it can and does do to a person. When Elijah was 4 months old he spent almost a week in the hospital and I fretted as much as a parent could I thought. This poor kid has been sick more in his little life then Hannah ever was. It worries me as it does any parent I am sure. But now I take into consideration how my parents must of felt, funny how the older we get the smarter our parents get (Hi mom and dad).

So I let you have this glimpse into my heart. Please don't think I write these words for sympathy. It is just a place to share my thoughts and feelings. Thanks for reading ya'll :-)

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

September Already

Wow September 1st, 2010. How did it get here so fast. It seems the older I get, the quicker time flies by. I have heard some say it's after you have kids. Well maybe that is true, but seeing as I have been a mom since I was 18. Most of my adult life has flown by.

I can remember back in school and it seemed like "our year" ya know the one you graduate was so far away, and the days just ticked by. We watched the clock with such anticipation, wishing our life away.

If that is one thing I wish to teach my children is to enjoy the moment, it will be gone soon enough. Your time to work and pay bills, all the worry that comes with that. Well you will have that burden the rest of your life. Slow down and enjoy this moment today.

At one point in time I traveled for work. Hannah was about 7, and we as a family decided it was a good thing for me to do. But only coming home for a long weekend every 3rd week was just too much. I stuck out the assignment, but couldn't do another on the road. I loved the job, the people, the money, the freedom. Then like a brick between the eyes it hit me, I would never get back year 7 day 125 of Hannah's life. I was missing too much. I did learn a lot by taking that job. I had never lived alone NEVER and even though I was married and had children, I was living alone several hours from them. There is something to be said about not worrying about dinner or clean clothes or whatever you worry about. Only having to fend for myself cereal was dinner some nights. I got my nails done. I went to the movies. And all on my per diem. It was something I now know that I needed to experience. Yet it still doesn't replace the days I missed from Hannah.

Now I think ahead to Hannah graduating and how fast 2014 will be here. How that means that Elijah will be starting school OMG!!!! (not gonna cry right now....) Although every parent I know loves to see their kids grow. No matter how hard it is. I appreciate my own parents more now. I see all the sacrifices they made and kept from me, because that's what parents do. Then I can only imagine how hard it is for them to see their babies grown, married, with kids, some of those kids with kids of their own. It has to be bittersweet.

No matter how you see time moving, fast or slow. The point is it just keeps going. When our lives seem to stand still, due to illness or financial issues or what have you. The rest of the world goes on. The sun rises and sets the same it did yesterday with no reserve to if your ready.

My friends enjoy this moment, even if you are not having a good time. Remember that you will never have this second, minute, day ever again. What are you going to do with it?

Monday, August 30, 2010

Touched my heart.

Ok fair warning I am gonna talk about "church" yesterday. I know that not everyone who may read me believes the same as I do. And that is OK cause isn't that what the good ole USA is about. Isn't that why my son went to war? To maintain our freedoms. Ok that's a whole blog in itself. Back to what my intentions were.

Yesterday during our service we had special guests. They were visiting us from Mercy House/Teen Challenge. For those that don't know what that is, it is a recovery type facility that is based on Christian principles and letting God set you free from your addiction.

I am pretty sure all of us at one time or another have either had an addiction of some sort or loved someone that has/did. Which is maybe why it hit so close to home? Some of the men gave their testimony which was very emotional, because they were emotional. It has always moved me to see someone who was hurting so bad be free of that pain. But the thing that got me was a skit they performed.

It was the same story of a man in chains that is being tormented by the devil and his helpers, drugs, money, "drink" was all pushed in his face and he fought the battle, till all the sudden a "holy" figure enters and helps free him of his chains and addictions. However the part that got me the most was the chains I didn't realize I had. You see there were these people standing on the sides holding signs, that ranged from depression to self pitty. WOW smack in the face. Yes that is right, I knew it, had been taught it, but have looked over it because well quite frankly I didn't want to admit that was me. All of those times I was giving myself the "wow is me speech", the feelings of not being enough for everyone in my life. I could go on and on.

But ya know what those were chains, they were/are holding me back to what God truly wants me to be. He made me in his image and to say I am not worth enough is saying he isn't enough. And that is not really what I feel in my heart. BUT, oh that devil he finds your weak points and chips and chips at them.

I am not trying to preach at anyone or make anyone feel bad. I also believe that as followers of Christ we are to confess our sins to one another and hold each other accountable. So this is a form of cleansing I suppose. I also hope that if it speaks to someone else then it was worth putting it out there for all to see........

Friday, August 27, 2010

Your Mama Dresses You Funny

On our way to work/school this morning. Lil Miss notices a group of guys get out of a truck with green stripped pants and white tee shirts. Now if you live in MS. Or most can even guess that the "uniform" is county jail issue. Her reaction was wow those guys need a fashion update. LMBO. Ok this from the girl who would just assume shop second hand stores and get more stuff then buy the newest fad, as long as it fits and is comfortable she is good. I said "honey, that is a uniform of sorts" Before I could explain for what she said then who ever picks out the uniforms should be fired. OK I love this girl seriously. I then told her it was issued by the county jail and those men she sees are inmates and are "out" on work release. This in turn brought up the issue of work release.
Lil Miss is a very logical thinker mind you. She wanted to know what if they decide to escape as there is no guards just some guy that works for the city? I tried to explain to her that these men have earned this and it is a privilege, she didn't think yard work was much of a privilege. But then after considering it for a few seconds decided it would be better then being locked up, which led to thinking maybe you shouldn't have been locked up in the first place. Good reasoning skills that one I tell ya.
We both decided that we agree with the "jail clean up crew" and I told her that it saves tax payer money since the city doesn't have to pay landscapers which she said was smart and maybe some of that money should go to the school so they can have text books. EWW yeah watch out world this one is gonna be a pistol when she gets big enough to vote and voice her opinion. I didn't have enough time to go into school budgets and where that money comes from. But I like the way she is starting to think and put things together.

So the whole moral of this post is don't go to jail or they will dress you funny!!! ;-)
Have a great weekend my friends and family.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

I can do this....right?

Ok so it seems many Moms/people have blogs these days. So why not try my hand at it. I am funny (not looking dad) sometimes. Want to keep our family up to date. So here I am making my own blog.

At this point of our life journey we are living in Mississippi. We have been here a year now and I think we are getting adjusted. Course just when you think that life has a way of throwing a monkey wrench in there. But that happenes to everyone everywhere so really we are no different, you and I.

So for the first time last night I had trouble helping one of my kids with their homework. I have helped 2 other kids of my own all the way through graduation and countless neices and nephews with things here and there. But my 14yr old daughter stumps me with her Spanish 2 homework. How can you give a spelling quiz in a language you can't pronounce? Well I did the best I could, (thanks to Dora, Diego and a spanish to english dictionary) we were able to figure out most of them. But I think I need to be tutored by her teacher just to help her study.
It brought on lot's of laughter by everyone in the house, and even the 2 year old came to the kitchen table and said OPEN to one of the words. At least he got it right.
I am scared already to think what it is gonna be like when the 2 year old reaches High School.

Speaking of the 2 year old. Isn't it funny (not haha) how each child is so different. The daughter was never sick growing up, the first ear ache came in 3rd grade. This boy of mine, it seems he is sick all the time. Is there a corelation to him being in daycare where she was always taken care of by my parents? Or is it just his imune system? Who knows and I don't suppose it really makes much of a difference, it won't change the fact that he has to go to daycare, because I have to work.

I will be glad when all of my family members get well, at least for the most part. It sure does wear a Mom out to worry and take care of her spouse and kids. I know I signed on for that job, but whew I need a break sometimes. Today my break came by going to work. I have only clocked 39 hours the last 2 weeks, which in theory sounds good not being at work. But the paycheck is going to stink. And I wouldn't said I had a good time while I was off, if I am gonna have that much time off I want to have my toes in the sand or building camp fires at night.

Ok I am gonna close my first attempt at a post. More to come later.....