Wednesday, October 6, 2010

High School

I know some of us are further from high school life then others. But your time in said school molded part of your life for better or worse. Those 4 years of your life could have been pure joy, or pure hell. Or maybe you were the one that just got by neither yeah or nay. I do not watch MTV much but thanks to one of my friends I started watching a show called "If you really knew me", after watching it with my husband once I decided this is something Hannah should watch as she is in her first year of H.S.

The premise of this show is they get all types of kids together, all the different stereo types and make them do different exercises together that make them open up. Showing that all people have pain and problems, it doesn't matter if you are the "jock" or the "stoner". These kids start to see the other person for what they are another human being. Someone with feelings and issues just like everyone else.

Looking back now I wish as a kid I would have taken a little more time to get to know some of my classmates better. I tried not to be mean to anyone. But I know I could have been more sympathetic to what others were going through and maybe even helped.

As you know I got pregnant the summer between my junior and senior year of H.S. But I didn't know I was until about the middle of the year my senior year. Because I went to a christian school, I had to leave. It was one of the hardest things I have had to do. I did home school the rest of that year so that I could get a diploma. But most of the friends I had, well they kind of faded away. There was a couple that still called occasionally, but we were at different parts of life and well I was an outcast now. I can't fault them now as an adult for that. Why should they have reached out to me? Only I knew the pain that it caused my heart. The deep ache that my heart beat everyday for the loss of friendship, senior trips, walking across the stage at graduation.
It was one of the loneliest times of my life. I still had my family, which I am grateful for and a few friends that hung on even if at a distance. For that I am grateful, but that deep longing I felt for someone, anyone to let me talk, cry, share my pain. Well that is one of the reasons I went into a deep post pardon depression.

No one can ever know whats going on inside another's head, but my Dad figured out a few key pieces and saw where I was falling apart inside and got me help. I was able to talk to a doctor and with therapy and some medication got back into life. I did after all have this wonderful daughter and even though some of my dreams and future may have been crushed at that moment. I began to realize that I could make new dreams and a different kind of future.
Sure I still missed some of the friendships that I had and in my own way morned for those.
I had one friend that got married about the same time and we still did things here and there and we are still friends to this day even though many hundreds of miles separate us.

I encouraged Hannah to watch that show so maybe she may think twice about the other kids in her school. About what's going on in their life, not just about her. We don't know if that kid who always looks angry gets hit at home or if the only meal he gets is the one the school provides. I told her she doesn't have to be best friends with everyone in school. But that no one deserves to be bullied or looked down upon. She has mentioned this one boy who is spastic and always disrupting the class. I mentioned to her that maybe he is doing it to get attention, think of the "class clowns" on that show and the reasons they gave for doing things to get people, anyone to just notice that they are there. She said yeah I never thought of it that way. I don't expect her to stick up for every kid in school it's just not going to happen. But if that one time she says "hey just leave him/her alone" and that kid doesn't take his life, or perhaps they see Christ in her. If that is her one moment to let her light shine. Then all praise be to God!

We all want better for our kids then we had, that is the natural way for parents. Now my parents were great don't get me wrong. I just want her to have friendships that matter. Not just a gossip partner. I am still learning at 32 what true friends are. I love the fact that I have ladies that pray for me and my family on a regular basis. Women that really care what the test results of my husbands are. Ones that celebrate with me when Hannah gets all A's and ones that cry with and for me when things give me nightmares.

We should all strive to be more Christlike. And it makes a difference when you have people by your side to encourage you and hold your hand when you walk down that path.

Maybe it is a smile you give to someone today or a word of encouragement. Maybe it is a hug. Or maybe it is just a prayer you quickly say for God to be with that person, cause you can't get them off your mind. May your light shine to someone today. Because my friends this world is a dark place and we need all the light we can get.

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