Thursday, December 15, 2011

Buried deep inside

Are you an explosive person or a lock it away personality?
I am a lock it away and store it up type. I am starting to think that this lovely trait may contribute to my Fibro pain. I know it is not the cause. That is due to faulty misfires in the brain. A friend of mine was recently diagnosed with Fibro also, she is a nurse and has started her own that helps explain in lay terms some of the things that happen with Fibro. You can check that out here,
Her and I have become  kindred spirits in this battle. Yes every person deals with and feels different symptoms of the same disease. No two people are alike.
I have tried real hard not to keep complaining about the pain. My family gets the brunt of it, which really don't we all give our families the worst sometimes The run down stressed out us? They are the ones that see me come home from work and lay in the bed. They see the pain on my face, hear the moans and groans when I move. All of my health problems are not just mine alone. They are also those of my family. No they haven't been diagnosed with them, they just carry the load. My kids have had to learn way to early in life what someone who is chronically ill deals with. My 3 year old has heard one too many times don't wiggle while I am holding you it hurts too bad. He often asks me if I am sick again. He just doesn't understand, yet he does.

I am realizing what I need to do to keep on well keeping on. I need to find a new job. The stress and extra problems here add more weight on my already painful shoulders. I need to start getting things off my chest. Not that I have a lot of complaints per say. I just bottle. I need to release that pressure valve. I have started doing stretching again in the mornings because it hurts so good. I know it hurts while I am doing it, but I know it will make the rest of the day better. I will make alone time, time to chill a priority. I have to. At this point in my life I am lucky to go to the bathroom and not have a dog or kid at the door or coming through the door to join me. Ron has started to help with this. But I need to find a time to let this mind that won't shut off chill without being mom, wife or employee. The only catch is not feeling guilty while I do..........

1 comment:

  1. I hear you Heather. I wish you the best. I hate it when my 5 year old say "mommy do you have more pain?" I want to scoop him up and let him know it's not his fault. I want him to know how much I love him. And then there are days I just want to crawl under a rick somewhere.